[ .. he does? david stares for a second, then another, before belatedly accepting the offered hand. his father.. knows who he is. but how much does he know? had he just read the mission details? had the name 'marcus' jogged any memories? does he even remember david's mother? ]
Um. [ he blinks once, glance sliding away as he tries to shake himself of those thoughts. ] Thank you. I was heading down to Engineering. I was just-- [ he makes a vague, distracted gesture with a hand. ] I was hoping to catch Mister Scott. [ obviously, david's field of study and scotty's don't often line up, but david's interested in a lot of things that have nothing to do with his doctorate.
he hesitates, then glances back in the direction kirk was headed. ] I'm sorry, am I keeping you? [ he can't be keeping him from anything too important, given the older man's relaxed attitude, but honestly, david wouldn't be surprised if something mad happened at any time. he's followed his father's career pretty closely-- the enterprise is a magnet for trouble. ]
[ Captain Kirk's smile is guileless; one would think if he Really Knew that he might be treating this moment with more significance. But then again, this is the man who's been dodging a promotion for ten years like it's the plague. ]
Naw, [ he says, taking a step and motioning for the young man to walk with him. ] Engineering's this way, I'll give you a tour. And tell Scotty not to bite any newcomers-- Ensign Mara! How's the study going?
[ Without stopping, Jim has a lively exchange with a woman in science blues about a kidney regeneration project, keenly aware of the ins-and-outs of everything she's saying, scientific medical babble included. She departs a few meters before they reached the lifts and Jim turns back to his new companion as he pokes the button. ] Have you seen the engine of a Constitution-class 'Fleet ship before?
[ james kirk can keep up in a scientific discussion. that's something that he hadn't known, though he supposes he shouldn't be surprised-- even if it doesn't interest the man the same way it does david and his mother, he's very intelligent. more than that, everything he's heard says he takes an interest in his crew. he cares about them, and the thought of it makes something in his chest loosen just a little. maybe.. this won't go so badly, after all.
he glances back up, distracted from his thoughts by the question. ] .. Oh. No, not in person. But I have a-- a personal interest in the Enterprise, I suppose, so I've studied them. [ he hesitates, feeling the space between his shoulders tighten with tension, struggling not to turn his head to look at the older man. ] My mother served aboard as a science officer during the Khan incident. [ at least he'd caught himself before he'd called her 'mum'. how unprofessional would that be. ] She doesn't talk about it much anymore, but I grew up hearing bits and pieces about it.
[ Jim doesn't miss a conversational beat, but his tone shifts: quieter, tinged with respect and something almost wistful, if not quite regretful. So yes, he recognizes the younger Dr Marcus for who he is. ]
She was an excellent addition to my crew and left quite the hole when she left. It wasn't.. immediate, [ almost a sigh. The shade of regret is more apparent. ] But what your grandfather put her through weighed on her. Starfleet just wasn't home anymore.
[ The lift hums, lights flicker, a soft beep here. Jim directs them to Engineering. Fucking Alex Marcus. Him and his former XO, that bastard April, Section 31, all of it. Even at the time he'd been surprised Carol wanted back on the ship that had been at the epicenter of the crisis that destroyed her family and threatened her career by association. His measure of comforting had been-- well, comfort for the both of them. Every so often he'll feel something, a phantom crackle, brittleness beneath his skin. Radiation ghosts. ]
[ he does remember her. it's been nearly two decades, and he sounds like he actually misses her. as well he should, though-- there aren't many people like carol marcus in the entire universe.
he listens silently, fascinated despite himself at hearing this account of his mother, and from his father of all people. it feels a little surreal in some ways, and a part of him expects to wake up, for this to have been some sort of bizarre dream. ]
She's well. [ his glance finally cuts sideways, brief and unreadable, before returning carefully to the lift doors. ] She keeps busy. Work, dating.. she's tied up in about six projects right now.
[ he hesitates, fingers tightening around the padd, feeling the edges dig into his skin. ] It wasn't-- I mean, she had her reasons for leaving, and they weren't all.. [ he trails off uncertainly, then tries again: ] That is, she was pregnant with me at the time. She had.. things to decide.
[ The thing is, Jim remembers everyone. Especially crew members-- his Starfleet career has been punctuated in cruel, sweeping losses, starting as far back as the decimation of his graduating class at the Academy alongside the planet Vulcan. Every subordinate, every friend, every lover; they're burned into his memory, whether they're gone from him because of death, or simply distance.
Carol was - is - special. But he'd remember her no matter what. Jim thought he'd moved beyond missing people in this way. Maybe it's David. Time often feels as though it stands still on the Enterprise. Twenty years and his senior crew are all the same, the lot of them re-upping their five years over and over together, choosing their family this way. Jim figures he'll call it quits when Bones comes to him and says We're done, kid. David ... is a whole new life. This incredible, brilliant product of a realm beyond Starfleet and the endless black. What's it like to put down roots and watch something grow? ]
I know. [ That she was pregnant. Word gets around, and even if it hadn't, Jim can do basic math. For a brief moment, he clasps David's shoulder, but he removes his hand in short order as the lift doors open. ] Our paramilitary designation doesn't leave room for family cohabitation. I don't have a bad word to say about her, David, honest. She's brilliant, and she's fearless. She made the choices she wanted to make.
[ If she wanted to keep her baby, she'd have been made to leave the Enterprise anyway. Regulations in place ... ever since the Kelvin.
Anyway. They're in Engineering. Jim calls out, ] Scotty!
[ he knows. he knows, and the brief hand on david's shoulder nearly staggers him. he can still feel the shape of kirk's fingers after they've lifted away again, as if they've burned right through the fabric.
he knows about david. ]
How long. [ he realizes abruptly that he's shaking a little, and straightens his spine to mask it as best he can. ] This whole time I've been here-- [ he stops, uncertain, lips pressing thin as his brows knit. would his father have said a word at all if david hadn't first? he knows it's not ideal; it's not as if the man had asked for david, or been given a real choice about it. carol had left, had cut contact.
he stares at his father's back, dizzy and overwhelmed. ]
I've known about you since I was six years old. I've thought-- I've thought about meeting you hundreds of times. I.. [ he trails off, feeling his face heat, and takes a step back toward the lift again. ] I'm sorry, I should go. I'll catch Mister Scott another time.
Aye, Captain! [ sounds from around a corner, and a man in Engineering reds appears, only managing to exchanging half a glance with his Captain before Jim's turned back to David, his expression concerned. ]
What do mean? Kid-- [ Concern deepens and mixes with plain confusion, and he steps forward as it to follow the young professional into the lift. ] Wait, David, what are you talking ab--
[ Jim waits. He gives David enough time to clear out at the top of the lift-- part of him wants to override and call it back down (Scotty has a hand on the button to do so before he stops the other man) and demand an immediate conversation. But he makes himself wait, consider David's age, and replay their whole encounter in his head over and over.
Back in his quarters, Jim paces. He isn't stupid - it's easy to piece together what that reaction meant. But the kid's mistaken; there's no way Carol would have told him that James Kirk is his father. Carol knows better, she knows it's not possible. He imagines being David, searching in his mother's past for clues to his parentage, and finding her time aboard the Enterprise. Finding a man with a reputation for fraternization, with.. his eyes and...
Goddamnit. Jim scrubs his hands over his face, pushes one through his hair. This poor kid.
He pages Bones, but the doctor's in surgery, followup to a security ensign's broken knee. Tries to get Carol, but there's too much interference this side of the nearby planet's rings. He paces more. Come on, Kirk. Get your shit together. He lets out a long, bracing breath and smooths his hair back into place. Only one thing to be done about it. ]
[ david, as it turns out, is in one of the labs being used by the genesis team. it's the off-cycle by now, and it's pretty much empty, and david's retreated behind his work. there are parts to some sort of experiment he was working spread across the work-bench he's seated at, though david himself doesn't seem particularly interested in it right now. instead, he's slumped against the table, chin resting against a folded arm, one finger gently tapping against what looks like a small terrarium.
his eyes lift a little, unconcerned, when he hears the first footsteps-- then widen. he shoots up straight, narrow shoulders tense beneath the wrinkled lab-coat. for a few seconds, he looks as if he doesn't know how to react, but then his expression closes down, hiding anything he might actually feel about jim coming to find him. ]
.. Captain. [ his fingers curl together against the table, then uncurl once more, reaching for the padd at his elbow. this is.. wildly uncomfortable. he feels like a scared kid. ] I'm sorry about earlier. It was-- I shouldn't have said anything. [ there. that's what this is about, isn't it? maybe now that he's gotten that out of the way, he'll feel less like sinking through the deck. ]
[ Jim feels like an asshole. Maybe inexplicably-- it's not his fault the kid's come to this impossible conclusion, but regardless, maybe his effortlessly complimentary attitude about Carol was somehow trying too hard. It's the truth, sure, but a little more professional distance may have served them both better. He gives himself an internal shake, casting aside the tendrils of self-doubt. ]
Apology accepted, [ he decides on, instead of It's okay. Kindness without coddling. ] From what you said, though, I think it's important that we speak frankly with each other.
[ Jim glances at the panel on the wall, making sure there's no one else in the lab. He'd invite David back to his quarters, but imagines this is more secure ground for the kid. Satisfied that they're alone and anyone entering the lab will have to stop and enter a clearance code anyway, Jim takes a seat on the other end of the workbench, one leg on either side. ]
[ is this a trick question? david stares, calculation ticking behind blue eyes as he works through it. the wording is important, he knows. 'who do you think i am,' which implies.. what. that he's wrong? ]
That's impossible. [ .. ah. he blinks, shaking himself a little. kirk.. doesn't know? so earlier.. well. he really does feel foolish, now. even so, that doesn't change facts.
he clears his throat. ] Sorry, that is-- what you think I think.. Captain, I'm a scientist. I don't just leap blindly to conclusions, even about things that are-- that mean something personally to me. [ he rolls a stylus across the table, glancing away from the older man and down to his fingers. ] Starfleet keeps extremely extensive records, especially of its most valuable and decorated members. Even before my, ah, access, though, simple process of elimination narrowed the possibilities down extensively.
[ he glances back up, fingers stilling. ] Despite.. everything, despite all the factors working against my conception and birth--and believe me, I know that there were a lot--I'm still.. here.
[ Earlier, Jim meant he knows who David is because he's the son of a woman that he considered a good friend-- a good friend who went through something horrible alongside him, and who left Starfleet despite her place in their self-made family here. It's no small thing, in his opinion, to want to make sure her son knows that Jim doesn't hold any ill-will, and that he never resented her for leaving.
Also - yes, they were intimately involved, but no, there was never any expectation of exclusivity between them. He's not mad she ended up pregnant with someone else's child around the time she'd been sleeping with him. He's not sure he'll be able to say that so plainly to the child in question, but... it's a factor.
Jim exhales in a sigh, giving David a look that's almost calculating, more Starfleet Captain than anything. Treating him like an adult. ]
I know that you're a scientist, [ he says slowly. ] I know what's in my records. I also know what's not in my records. Some of the things that I've been through are classified, David, not even I have clearance to access them anymore, and your mother never would have.
[ And even the classified files don't have everything. After Pike's death, no one on the Enterprise - not even Spock - felt comfortable with full disclosure about the most personal and revealing of facts. They believe in the Federation and Starfleet without hesitation, but they're organizations run by fallible people, and Section 31 burned a lot of bridges. ]
I wasn't exposed to a lot of radiation. I was killed. I should never have recovered. Years later, maybe I've rebounded better, but when Carol and I were involved it was right after. I don't have to tell you what that means: I can't have kids. Every test I've done supports that. I got a low percentage 'maybe with extensive medical intervention', and that's just not something your mother and I did.
[ And yet even as he speaks, something in the back of his head suggests What if the impossibility in it was a factor in Carol leaving? What if she didn't think I'd believe her? What if despite our agreement she wasn't using birth control because she wasn't sleeping with anyone else? ]
[ for a few moments, david is silent, expression even and unreadable as he watches the captain. eventually, though, he rises from the bench, moving to one of the cabinets and opening it. items clink, and he returns with a slender package and a clear, sterile tube. he settles again, tearing open the package and removing a medical swab, which he then uses to swab the inside of his cheek with. when done, he drops it lightly in the tube and closes it and pushes it toward the older man. ]
Blood would be better, but that should do. [ he turns more fully to the other man, hooking a foot around one of the legs of the bench as he does so. ] Have Dr McCoy test it if you like. If not, throw it away.
[ his hands curl atop his thighs, fingers wrinkling his coat further. he'd always known this was going to be hard, no matter how the conversation went. he just wishes.. well. there are a lot of things he wishes had gone differently. ] .. The fact is.. [ he hesitates, teeth digging into the side of his tongue as he turns the words over in his head. ] The fact is, I'm seventeen, and it's always just.. been Mum and I. I don't need a father. I don't.. need you to believe me, or care, or-- or anything at all. It's fine.
[ his fingers uncurl, smoothing the fabric, mouth pressing thin. it's true, but.. a small part of him, the part that had so earnestly followed this man's career, devoured every bit of news about him.. aches. a little. he just has to remind himself that he is seventeen. an adult, a scientist. they've never been part of one another's lives, and that isn't going to change. ]
You just.. you deserve to know, and I wanted to meet you. That's all I wanted from you, I swear.
[ It's difficult for Jim to reconcile seeing David as a scientist with the stubborn way he's sticking to this. Jim is also a scientist, more or less; he could have specialized in anything at the Academy and had more than one professor try to cajole him into blues or reds, but he couldn't ever pick one over the other and stuck to gold. As such, his sticking point is the biological hard tacks of it. ]
I'm not trying to reject you, [ he says quietly, looking at the small container. ] I grew up without a father, too.
[ His father, who he only knew in press releases and stories his mother couldn't finish, a legacy of heroism beyond his reach. Sounds familiar. It's not fine, no matter what David says. ]
Factually, David, surely you can understand where I'm coming from. [ As a scientist. ] Beyond that... the fact that I'm never having my own family is something... I've struggled to--
Bridge to Captain Kirk, [ interrupts a male voice over the ship's comm. ]
--Go ahead, Spock.
We have encountered an unknown energy mass approaching, your presence is requested on the bridge immediately.
[ then prove me wrong. it's on his lips, almost in the air, and then--of course--spock is interrupting. he's actually sort of grateful. he doesn't want to continue this conversation. honestly, he just wants to go to bed at this point, but he knows better than most civilians that he probably won't get that chance for a while.
he finds himself laughing a little, dry and brittle around the edges. ] The universe has shite timing. Still, it's probably for the best.
[ he picks the container back up and climbs to his feet, dropping it lightly in the waste, then turning back to curl his hands in the pockets of his coat. ] I'll make sure my team's on standby in case you need us. [ it's probably nothing, but it can never hurt to be prepared for the worst. ]
[ It's just baffling. It really is. This isn't about proving David wrong it's just-- how can Jim be his father? And if David is so passionate (because he is passionate) then why wouldn't he want to know who else it could be? What's the point of clinging to an impossibility?
(It's not entirely an impossibility, says a tiny voice in the back of his head. He looks like you at the right angle, he's even acting like you.
But Carol would have told me, is the obvious rejoinder, setting aside biological roadblocks.
Would she?) ]
This is the Enterprise, [ Jim says heavily as he gets to his feet, ] there's no such thing as a routine blip. Come on, you better come with. Whatever we run into, no matter how benign, is going to impact your project.
[ the thing is, david's had years to think this over, to examine it from every angle, to do the research and ask the right questions of the right people. he is emotional--more like frightened and uncomfortable and embarrassed--but he's also dead certain.
this is more comfortable territory, though, strangely enough. despite the possible danger and his inexperience with it, a part of him is almost excited (and it lets him set aside everything about the last several hours). ] Not sure how much I can do from the bridge, regardless, but-- [ he strips out of his coat, tossing it across the bench and grabbing the padd as he hurries to follow the older man. ]
[ Jim's blindsided here. David's going to have to have some patience-- or at least slam definitive proof in his face. Right now the idea's simmering in his head, still mostly in disbelief but thrown off-balance by the young doctor's unwavering certainty and his own inability to see any possibility as a lost cause. ]
Understanding the scope of something and seeing it up close offers a level of insight you can't get from the research decks, [ Jim tells him as they make their way quickly to the lifts. This he can do, he's confident in. And he's serious: he's always dragging people up out of the labs and bays below, making sure every member gets a chance to really experience, and he runs his bridge crew like a think-tank. It's why the Enterprise is so good at what they do. ]
Captain on the bridge, [ an ensign chimes as soon as he steps out, directing David to the railed observation path that loops around the back half of the area. ]
What've we got? [ Jim asks, and is met with explanations - or summaries, at least. It's a thing, hovering a few kilometers away, and it seems to be observing them just as they're observing it. Looking at the recorded pathway, Jim thinks it looks like a curious kid who ran up to see what had come near its back yard, and says so.
Behind David, the lift opens again, revealing Doctor McCoy. He stands nearby, listening in. ]
[ normally, david likes to think he's above being impressed, especially by things as mundane as the bridge of a starfleet ship, but.. this is actually pretty great. as much as he doesn't want to think about his dad as his dad right now, seeing he and his command staff interact makes something like pride coil small and tight and private in his chest. this is the crew of the enterprise. this is the youngest captain in starfleet history. if he never tells another soul, if no one ever cares or believes him, he'll know.
he offers a small, slightly distracted smile to doctor mccoy, getting a curious sideglance in return, then ducks his head to his padd to sync it up with the bridge computer. as a civilian, he's not entitled to the same accesses that the science crew receives, but he gets enough information to at least make some educated guesses of his own.
--aesthetically, it's.. almost pretty, the energy pulses almost familiar in a way. he frowns as he spins the model on his padd, something about it nagging at him. ]
[ The tension gathered in him doesn't fully dissipate as he bounces ideas to and fro with his crew, but it lessens - this is Jim's element, where he's really alive. He's far from the youngest captain anymore, but there's something eternally youthful and fresh-eyed about the way he tackles whatever's in front of him.
In a lull while an equation's being run, Spock and Chekov nattering about something, McCoy ends up by his captain's side-- it brings a brief wordless back and forth done entirely in body language and glances. You paged me while I was in surgery what's so damn important - Nothing - Bullshit - You're right but later-- and then it's the doctor glancing over his shoulder and back at him as if, Is that Carol's kid? but then they're back to working out the giant-space-energy-puppy-thing.
They've been friends for way too long, perhaps.
It turns out that the entity they've encountered is a child, or a sentient probe of some kind detached from a mass they thought was a nearby star. Peaceful and mostly stationary, it seems curious but little else. They decide, though, that if they're going to launch Genesis anywhere in this area, they should do it in a position that's not disrupting their new find. ]
Quite the view, huh? [ Jim asks quietly when most of the commotion has died down. Report writing: the exciting part no one tells you about in Starfleet. ]
--Huh? [ david glances back up, looking a little dazed for a second-- the same look carol gets when she's lost in her work. he blinks, then flushes faintly, glancing down at his padd--now filled with what seems to be some sort of calculations--before carefully saving his progress and ending it. he glances back up, then, gaze drawn toward the viewing screen a little wistfully. ] .. Yeah. I don't get off Earth much, honestly, so it's nice being on a ship.
[ he hesitates, reaching up to push his hair back from his brow and trying to get his blush back under control. ] It was.. also kind of fun to watch you and your crew. You can tell you've been working together for a long time.
[ though it was definitely strange being here to see it in person instead of reading about it or listening to a report afterward. not that this had been particularly exciting as far as encounters with alien beings go, but the less exciting, the safer the crew and ship, so david can't really complain.
he curls his padd to his chest, glancing back up at the captain again, curious, expression the most open it's been since their first encounter. ]
Just tired of myself, sometimes, [ is a wry, perhaps shockingly honest remark.
In the time it's taken to handle this discovery, Jim's come to a conclusion: he doesn't give a shit who David's father is. If it's him, they'll deal with it. If it's not him, he's going to treat the kid as best he can and respect that he's gone through most of his life thinking about Captain James T Kirk, distant Starfleet explorer, as being the guy in that position.
As he herds David towards the lifts again: ] I'd like to continue our conversation. I want to know.
How do you mea-- [ but he's interrupted from his question as he's urged back toward the lift, eyes widening in surprise. for a few moments after the door closes behind them, he looks as if he isn't quite certain how to respond. he's not even sure if he wants to.
he glances toward him, suddenly cautious again. ] Don't.. do this because you feel obligated. That's not what I want. [ it's like he said-- he doesn't really want anything out of him, not really. once this mission is over, their lives will probably go separate ways again. that's just the reality of it. ]
[ He waits until they're enclosed in the privacy of the lift before saying anything else - to anyone observing, they sound like they're discussing something about Genesis - but he does catch McCoy's gaze for a brief moment before the doors close. ]
I don't think that's what you want, [ Jim assures him - well, he hopes he sounds assuring, or at least honest. Because he is. ]
I gotta know now, though. [ He shrugs, and gives David a slightly lopsided, sympathetic smile. ] I guess it's the scientist in me. It's probably not the family man in me, seeing as how that's gone.
[ Ha ha bleak humor about his dead father and absentee mother and being put on Tarsus IV after acting out so much. Anyway. Lift's open. ]
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Um. [ he blinks once, glance sliding away as he tries to shake himself of those thoughts. ] Thank you. I was heading down to Engineering. I was just-- [ he makes a vague, distracted gesture with a hand. ] I was hoping to catch Mister Scott. [ obviously, david's field of study and scotty's don't often line up, but david's interested in a lot of things that have nothing to do with his doctorate.
he hesitates, then glances back in the direction kirk was headed. ] I'm sorry, am I keeping you? [ he can't be keeping him from anything too important, given the older man's relaxed attitude, but honestly, david wouldn't be surprised if something mad happened at any time. he's followed his father's career pretty closely-- the enterprise is a magnet for trouble. ]
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Naw, [ he says, taking a step and motioning for the young man to walk with him. ] Engineering's this way, I'll give you a tour. And tell Scotty not to bite any newcomers-- Ensign Mara! How's the study going?
[ Without stopping, Jim has a lively exchange with a woman in science blues about a kidney regeneration project, keenly aware of the ins-and-outs of everything she's saying, scientific medical babble included. She departs a few meters before they reached the lifts and Jim turns back to his new companion as he pokes the button. ] Have you seen the engine of a Constitution-class 'Fleet ship before?
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he glances back up, distracted from his thoughts by the question. ] .. Oh. No, not in person. But I have a-- a personal interest in the Enterprise, I suppose, so I've studied them. [ he hesitates, feeling the space between his shoulders tighten with tension, struggling not to turn his head to look at the older man. ] My mother served aboard as a science officer during the Khan incident. [ at least he'd caught himself before he'd called her 'mum'. how unprofessional would that be. ] She doesn't talk about it much anymore, but I grew up hearing bits and pieces about it.
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[ Jim doesn't miss a conversational beat, but his tone shifts: quieter, tinged with respect and something almost wistful, if not quite regretful. So yes, he recognizes the younger Dr Marcus for who he is. ]
She was an excellent addition to my crew and left quite the hole when she left. It wasn't.. immediate, [ almost a sigh. The shade of regret is more apparent. ] But what your grandfather put her through weighed on her. Starfleet just wasn't home anymore.
[ The lift hums, lights flicker, a soft beep here. Jim directs them to Engineering. Fucking Alex Marcus. Him and his former XO, that bastard April, Section 31, all of it. Even at the time he'd been surprised Carol wanted back on the ship that had been at the epicenter of the crisis that destroyed her family and threatened her career by association. His measure of comforting had been-- well, comfort for the both of them. Every so often he'll feel something, a phantom crackle, brittleness beneath his skin. Radiation ghosts. ]
How is she?
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he listens silently, fascinated despite himself at hearing this account of his mother, and from his father of all people. it feels a little surreal in some ways, and a part of him expects to wake up, for this to have been some sort of bizarre dream. ]
She's well. [ his glance finally cuts sideways, brief and unreadable, before returning carefully to the lift doors. ] She keeps busy. Work, dating.. she's tied up in about six projects right now.
[ he hesitates, fingers tightening around the padd, feeling the edges dig into his skin. ] It wasn't-- I mean, she had her reasons for leaving, and they weren't all.. [ he trails off uncertainly, then tries again: ] That is, she was pregnant with me at the time. She had.. things to decide.
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Carol was - is - special. But he'd remember her no matter what. Jim thought he'd moved beyond missing people in this way. Maybe it's David. Time often feels as though it stands still on the Enterprise. Twenty years and his senior crew are all the same, the lot of them re-upping their five years over and over together, choosing their family this way. Jim figures he'll call it quits when Bones comes to him and says We're done, kid. David ... is a whole new life. This incredible, brilliant product of a realm beyond Starfleet and the endless black. What's it like to put down roots and watch something grow? ]
I know. [ That she was pregnant. Word gets around, and even if it hadn't, Jim can do basic math. For a brief moment, he clasps David's shoulder, but he removes his hand in short order as the lift doors open. ] Our paramilitary designation doesn't leave room for family cohabitation. I don't have a bad word to say about her, David, honest. She's brilliant, and she's fearless. She made the choices she wanted to make.
[ If she wanted to keep her baby, she'd have been made to leave the Enterprise anyway. Regulations in place ... ever since the Kelvin.
Anyway. They're in Engineering. Jim calls out, ] Scotty!
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he knows about david. ]
How long. [ he realizes abruptly that he's shaking a little, and straightens his spine to mask it as best he can. ] This whole time I've been here-- [ he stops, uncertain, lips pressing thin as his brows knit. would his father have said a word at all if david hadn't first? he knows it's not ideal; it's not as if the man had asked for david, or been given a real choice about it. carol had left, had cut contact.
he stares at his father's back, dizzy and overwhelmed. ]
I've known about you since I was six years old. I've thought-- I've thought about meeting you hundreds of times. I.. [ he trails off, feeling his face heat, and takes a step back toward the lift again. ] I'm sorry, I should go. I'll catch Mister Scott another time.
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sure is a moment. ]
Aye, Captain! [ sounds from around a corner, and a man in Engineering reds appears, only managing to exchanging half a glance with his Captain before Jim's turned back to David, his expression concerned. ]
What do mean? Kid-- [ Concern deepens and mixes with plain confusion, and he steps forward as it to follow the young professional into the lift. ] Wait, David, what are you talking ab--
[ But the lift closes. ]
later.
Back in his quarters, Jim paces. He isn't stupid - it's easy to piece together what that reaction meant. But the kid's mistaken; there's no way Carol would have told him that James Kirk is his father. Carol knows better, she knows it's not possible. He imagines being David, searching in his mother's past for clues to his parentage, and finding her time aboard the Enterprise. Finding a man with a reputation for fraternization, with.. his eyes and...
Goddamnit. Jim scrubs his hands over his face, pushes one through his hair. This poor kid.
He pages Bones, but the doctor's in surgery, followup to a security ensign's broken knee. Tries to get Carol, but there's too much interference this side of the nearby planet's rings. He paces more. Come on, Kirk. Get your shit together. He lets out a long, bracing breath and smooths his hair back into place. Only one thing to be done about it. ]
Computer, locate David Marcus.
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his eyes lift a little, unconcerned, when he hears the first footsteps-- then widen. he shoots up straight, narrow shoulders tense beneath the wrinkled lab-coat. for a few seconds, he looks as if he doesn't know how to react, but then his expression closes down, hiding anything he might actually feel about jim coming to find him. ]
.. Captain. [ his fingers curl together against the table, then uncurl once more, reaching for the padd at his elbow. this is.. wildly uncomfortable. he feels like a scared kid. ] I'm sorry about earlier. It was-- I shouldn't have said anything. [ there. that's what this is about, isn't it? maybe now that he's gotten that out of the way, he'll feel less like sinking through the deck. ]
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Apology accepted, [ he decides on, instead of It's okay. Kindness without coddling. ] From what you said, though, I think it's important that we speak frankly with each other.
[ Jim glances at the panel on the wall, making sure there's no one else in the lab. He'd invite David back to his quarters, but imagines this is more secure ground for the kid. Satisfied that they're alone and anyone entering the lab will have to stop and enter a clearance code anyway, Jim takes a seat on the other end of the workbench, one leg on either side. ]
Who do you think I am, David?
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That's impossible. [ .. ah. he blinks, shaking himself a little. kirk.. doesn't know? so earlier.. well. he really does feel foolish, now. even so, that doesn't change facts.
he clears his throat. ] Sorry, that is-- what you think I think.. Captain, I'm a scientist. I don't just leap blindly to conclusions, even about things that are-- that mean something personally to me. [ he rolls a stylus across the table, glancing away from the older man and down to his fingers. ] Starfleet keeps extremely extensive records, especially of its most valuable and decorated members. Even before my, ah, access, though, simple process of elimination narrowed the possibilities down extensively.
[ he glances back up, fingers stilling. ] Despite.. everything, despite all the factors working against my conception and birth--and believe me, I know that there were a lot--I'm still.. here.
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Also - yes, they were intimately involved, but no, there was never any expectation of exclusivity between them. He's not mad she ended up pregnant with someone else's child around the time she'd been sleeping with him. He's not sure he'll be able to say that so plainly to the child in question, but... it's a factor.
Jim exhales in a sigh, giving David a look that's almost calculating, more Starfleet Captain than anything. Treating him like an adult. ]
I know that you're a scientist, [ he says slowly. ] I know what's in my records. I also know what's not in my records. Some of the things that I've been through are classified, David, not even I have clearance to access them anymore, and your mother never would have.
[ And even the classified files don't have everything. After Pike's death, no one on the Enterprise - not even Spock - felt comfortable with full disclosure about the most personal and revealing of facts. They believe in the Federation and Starfleet without hesitation, but they're organizations run by fallible people, and Section 31 burned a lot of bridges. ]
I wasn't exposed to a lot of radiation. I was killed. I should never have recovered. Years later, maybe I've rebounded better, but when Carol and I were involved it was right after. I don't have to tell you what that means: I can't have kids. Every test I've done supports that. I got a low percentage 'maybe with extensive medical intervention', and that's just not something your mother and I did.
[ And yet even as he speaks, something in the back of his head suggests What if the impossibility in it was a factor in Carol leaving? What if she didn't think I'd believe her? What if despite our agreement she wasn't using birth control because she wasn't sleeping with anyone else? ]
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Blood would be better, but that should do. [ he turns more fully to the other man, hooking a foot around one of the legs of the bench as he does so. ] Have Dr McCoy test it if you like. If not, throw it away.
[ his hands curl atop his thighs, fingers wrinkling his coat further. he'd always known this was going to be hard, no matter how the conversation went. he just wishes.. well. there are a lot of things he wishes had gone differently. ] .. The fact is.. [ he hesitates, teeth digging into the side of his tongue as he turns the words over in his head. ] The fact is, I'm seventeen, and it's always just.. been Mum and I. I don't need a father. I don't.. need you to believe me, or care, or-- or anything at all. It's fine.
[ his fingers uncurl, smoothing the fabric, mouth pressing thin. it's true, but.. a small part of him, the part that had so earnestly followed this man's career, devoured every bit of news about him.. aches. a little. he just has to remind himself that he is seventeen. an adult, a scientist. they've never been part of one another's lives, and that isn't going to change. ]
You just.. you deserve to know, and I wanted to meet you. That's all I wanted from you, I swear.
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I'm not trying to reject you, [ he says quietly, looking at the small container. ] I grew up without a father, too.
[ His father, who he only knew in press releases and stories his mother couldn't finish, a legacy of heroism beyond his reach. Sounds familiar. It's not fine, no matter what David says. ]
Factually, David, surely you can understand where I'm coming from. [ As a scientist. ] Beyond that... the fact that I'm never having my own family is something... I've struggled to--
Bridge to Captain Kirk, [ interrupts a male voice over the ship's comm. ]
--Go ahead, Spock.
We have encountered an unknown energy mass approaching, your presence is requested on the bridge immediately.
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he finds himself laughing a little, dry and brittle around the edges. ] The universe has shite timing. Still, it's probably for the best.
[ he picks the container back up and climbs to his feet, dropping it lightly in the waste, then turning back to curl his hands in the pockets of his coat. ] I'll make sure my team's on standby in case you need us. [ it's probably nothing, but it can never hurt to be prepared for the worst. ]
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(It's not entirely an impossibility, says a tiny voice in the back of his head. He looks like you at the right angle, he's even acting like you.
But Carol would have told me, is the obvious rejoinder, setting aside biological roadblocks.
Would she?) ]
This is the Enterprise, [ Jim says heavily as he gets to his feet, ] there's no such thing as a routine blip. Come on, you better come with. Whatever we run into, no matter how benign, is going to impact your project.
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this is more comfortable territory, though, strangely enough. despite the possible danger and his inexperience with it, a part of him is almost excited (and it lets him set aside everything about the last several hours). ] Not sure how much I can do from the bridge, regardless, but-- [ he strips out of his coat, tossing it across the bench and grabbing the padd as he hurries to follow the older man. ]
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Understanding the scope of something and seeing it up close offers a level of insight you can't get from the research decks, [ Jim tells him as they make their way quickly to the lifts. This he can do, he's confident in. And he's serious: he's always dragging people up out of the labs and bays below, making sure every member gets a chance to really experience, and he runs his bridge crew like a think-tank. It's why the Enterprise is so good at what they do. ]
Captain on the bridge, [ an ensign chimes as soon as he steps out, directing David to the railed observation path that loops around the back half of the area. ]
What've we got? [ Jim asks, and is met with explanations - or summaries, at least. It's a thing, hovering a few kilometers away, and it seems to be observing them just as they're observing it. Looking at the recorded pathway, Jim thinks it looks like a curious kid who ran up to see what had come near its back yard, and says so.
Behind David, the lift opens again, revealing Doctor McCoy. He stands nearby, listening in. ]
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he offers a small, slightly distracted smile to doctor mccoy, getting a curious sideglance in return, then ducks his head to his padd to sync it up with the bridge computer. as a civilian, he's not entitled to the same accesses that the science crew receives, but he gets enough information to at least make some educated guesses of his own.
--aesthetically, it's.. almost pretty, the energy pulses almost familiar in a way. he frowns as he spins the model on his padd, something about it nagging at him. ]
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In a lull while an equation's being run, Spock and Chekov nattering about something, McCoy ends up by his captain's side-- it brings a brief wordless back and forth done entirely in body language and glances. You paged me while I was in surgery what's so damn important - Nothing - Bullshit - You're right but later-- and then it's the doctor glancing over his shoulder and back at him as if, Is that Carol's kid? but then they're back to working out the giant-space-energy-puppy-thing.
They've been friends for way too long, perhaps.
It turns out that the entity they've encountered is a child, or a sentient probe of some kind detached from a mass they thought was a nearby star. Peaceful and mostly stationary, it seems curious but little else. They decide, though, that if they're going to launch Genesis anywhere in this area, they should do it in a position that's not disrupting their new find. ]
Quite the view, huh? [ Jim asks quietly when most of the commotion has died down. Report writing: the exciting part no one tells you about in Starfleet. ]
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[ he hesitates, reaching up to push his hair back from his brow and trying to get his blush back under control. ] It was.. also kind of fun to watch you and your crew. You can tell you've been working together for a long time.
[ though it was definitely strange being here to see it in person instead of reading about it or listening to a report afterward. not that this had been particularly exciting as far as encounters with alien beings go, but the less exciting, the safer the crew and ship, so david can't really complain.
he curls his padd to his chest, glancing back up at the captain again, curious, expression the most open it's been since their first encounter. ]
You never get tired of this, do you?
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In the time it's taken to handle this discovery, Jim's come to a conclusion: he doesn't give a shit who David's father is. If it's him, they'll deal with it. If it's not him, he's going to treat the kid as best he can and respect that he's gone through most of his life thinking about Captain James T Kirk, distant Starfleet explorer, as being the guy in that position.
As he herds David towards the lifts again: ] I'd like to continue our conversation. I want to know.
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he glances toward him, suddenly cautious again. ] Don't.. do this because you feel obligated. That's not what I want. [ it's like he said-- he doesn't really want anything out of him, not really. once this mission is over, their lives will probably go separate ways again. that's just the reality of it. ]
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I don't think that's what you want, [ Jim assures him - well, he hopes he sounds assuring, or at least honest. Because he is. ]
I gotta know now, though. [ He shrugs, and gives David a slightly lopsided, sympathetic smile. ] I guess it's the scientist in me. It's probably not the family man in me, seeing as how that's gone.
[ Ha ha bleak humor about his dead father and absentee mother and being put on Tarsus IV after acting out so much. Anyway. Lift's open. ]
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shrugs and pours a dumb oc npc all over this reply
#good
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