[ Jim looks faintly queasy at the phrase your son. The technical truth of it is terrifying. The emotional truth is he's no more David's father than if Carol had gotten an anonymous donor-- except that David's been following his career and... Jim doesn't know what his train of thought is doing. He presses a hand over his face again and leans forward, considering for a moment the merits of resting his head on Bones's shoulder.
But he straightens up. ]
Maybe give him a couple days before subjecting him to the full Doctor McCoy experience, [ he says quietly.
God. God.
Eventually. Jim leaves the office. ]
Seems I owe you an apology, [ he says when he returns. ]
[ david's head lifts, and he takes one look at kirk's face and rises to his feet. he glances from jim to bones in his office, then back to jim, expression softening a little uncertainly. ]
It's okay. [ he tucks his padd into the crook of his arm, planting his other hand on his hip as he offers a small smile up. ] I'm not going to say anything. [ if that's what he's worried about. which.. he imagines there are a lot of questions and concerns this news brings, but.. if he can reassure him a little.. ] Though I'd like to tell Rish, if you don't mind. I just.. don't like lying to him. But he'll keep quiet about it, too.
[ he kind of feels like a jerk for saying anything in the first place--he knows now that he shouldn't have--but it feels like some sort of weight has finally slid from his shoulders. he's a little nervous about what the captain is thinking about all of this, but at least he doesn't have to stare after him and wonder, now. ]
[ Jim still seems a little shell-shocked. It makes him look younger, oddly, too-blue puppydog eyes looking out at David like he's seeing a particularly unscary but still unexpected ghost, or maybe a unicorn. ]
I'm not embarrassed, [ he says quietly. ] Well-- I'm embarrassed of how adamantly I insisted it wasn't possible, but I'm not of you. If people know, it's fine. I only want what you're comfortable with.
I'm just. [ Jim stops and gives him a small smile that's a little sad. ] Carol knew how deeply my father's absence impacted me. I don't think I'd have made a good parent, and I still respect what she's done. But I feel guilty anyway.
[ despite himself, he grins briefly. ] Maybe next time I say "I'm certain," you'll be quicker to believe me.
[ the grin fades just as quickly as it appeared, though, and he shifts on his feet, hand lifting from his hip to tuck his hair back. he's quiet as he considers that, teeth catching the inside of his cheek. guilty? ]
You don't have any reason to feel guilty. I think I turned out alright, even without a father around. And as for Mum.. [ he trails off, face heating a little. ] Well, honestly, Mum didn't have any guarantees about me for years. Why would she want to put that stress on someone else, too? Particularly someone she cared about.
[ he and his mother tend to be practical about that sort of thing. what good would it have done kirk to know? at best, it would have been a distraction. and anyway, it's the past.
his glance lifts again, a little flustered still. ] .. If you really don't mind, though, I wouldn't say no to the chance to get to know you a little better.
[ Jim pulls a bit of a face, wry but good-natured. David-- reminds him of himself, alarmingly enough. The bravado, the certainty. There's a gentleness in him too, though, something far more compassionate than Jim ever was at that age.
He assumes it's Carol. He's going to assume all the good bits are Carol, honestly. ]
She went through it alone. Maybe I wouldn't have helped, but I still feel for her.
[ And then Jim reaches out, easy enough that David can stop him if he wants, to rest a hand on his shoulder. He's steady and supportive. ]
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But he straightens up. ]
Maybe give him a couple days before subjecting him to the full Doctor McCoy experience, [ he says quietly.
God. God.
Eventually. Jim leaves the office. ]
Seems I owe you an apology, [ he says when he returns. ]
no subject
It's okay. [ he tucks his padd into the crook of his arm, planting his other hand on his hip as he offers a small smile up. ] I'm not going to say anything. [ if that's what he's worried about. which.. he imagines there are a lot of questions and concerns this news brings, but.. if he can reassure him a little.. ] Though I'd like to tell Rish, if you don't mind. I just.. don't like lying to him. But he'll keep quiet about it, too.
[ he kind of feels like a jerk for saying anything in the first place--he knows now that he shouldn't have--but it feels like some sort of weight has finally slid from his shoulders. he's a little nervous about what the captain is thinking about all of this, but at least he doesn't have to stare after him and wonder, now. ]
no subject
I'm not embarrassed, [ he says quietly. ] Well-- I'm embarrassed of how adamantly I insisted it wasn't possible, but I'm not of you. If people know, it's fine. I only want what you're comfortable with.
I'm just. [ Jim stops and gives him a small smile that's a little sad. ] Carol knew how deeply my father's absence impacted me. I don't think I'd have made a good parent, and I still respect what she's done. But I feel guilty anyway.
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[ the grin fades just as quickly as it appeared, though, and he shifts on his feet, hand lifting from his hip to tuck his hair back. he's quiet as he considers that, teeth catching the inside of his cheek. guilty? ]
You don't have any reason to feel guilty. I think I turned out alright, even without a father around. And as for Mum.. [ he trails off, face heating a little. ] Well, honestly, Mum didn't have any guarantees about me for years. Why would she want to put that stress on someone else, too? Particularly someone she cared about.
[ he and his mother tend to be practical about that sort of thing. what good would it have done kirk to know? at best, it would have been a distraction. and anyway, it's the past.
his glance lifts again, a little flustered still. ] .. If you really don't mind, though, I wouldn't say no to the chance to get to know you a little better.
no subject
He assumes it's Carol. He's going to assume all the good bits are Carol, honestly. ]
She went through it alone. Maybe I wouldn't have helped, but I still feel for her.
[ And then Jim reaches out, easy enough that David can stop him if he wants, to rest a hand on his shoulder. He's steady and supportive. ]
I'd really like to get to know you.