[ david, as it turns out, is in one of the labs being used by the genesis team. it's the off-cycle by now, and it's pretty much empty, and david's retreated behind his work. there are parts to some sort of experiment he was working spread across the work-bench he's seated at, though david himself doesn't seem particularly interested in it right now. instead, he's slumped against the table, chin resting against a folded arm, one finger gently tapping against what looks like a small terrarium.
his eyes lift a little, unconcerned, when he hears the first footsteps-- then widen. he shoots up straight, narrow shoulders tense beneath the wrinkled lab-coat. for a few seconds, he looks as if he doesn't know how to react, but then his expression closes down, hiding anything he might actually feel about jim coming to find him. ]
.. Captain. [ his fingers curl together against the table, then uncurl once more, reaching for the padd at his elbow. this is.. wildly uncomfortable. he feels like a scared kid. ] I'm sorry about earlier. It was-- I shouldn't have said anything. [ there. that's what this is about, isn't it? maybe now that he's gotten that out of the way, he'll feel less like sinking through the deck. ]
[ Jim feels like an asshole. Maybe inexplicably-- it's not his fault the kid's come to this impossible conclusion, but regardless, maybe his effortlessly complimentary attitude about Carol was somehow trying too hard. It's the truth, sure, but a little more professional distance may have served them both better. He gives himself an internal shake, casting aside the tendrils of self-doubt. ]
Apology accepted, [ he decides on, instead of It's okay. Kindness without coddling. ] From what you said, though, I think it's important that we speak frankly with each other.
[ Jim glances at the panel on the wall, making sure there's no one else in the lab. He'd invite David back to his quarters, but imagines this is more secure ground for the kid. Satisfied that they're alone and anyone entering the lab will have to stop and enter a clearance code anyway, Jim takes a seat on the other end of the workbench, one leg on either side. ]
[ is this a trick question? david stares, calculation ticking behind blue eyes as he works through it. the wording is important, he knows. 'who do you think i am,' which implies.. what. that he's wrong? ]
That's impossible. [ .. ah. he blinks, shaking himself a little. kirk.. doesn't know? so earlier.. well. he really does feel foolish, now. even so, that doesn't change facts.
he clears his throat. ] Sorry, that is-- what you think I think.. Captain, I'm a scientist. I don't just leap blindly to conclusions, even about things that are-- that mean something personally to me. [ he rolls a stylus across the table, glancing away from the older man and down to his fingers. ] Starfleet keeps extremely extensive records, especially of its most valuable and decorated members. Even before my, ah, access, though, simple process of elimination narrowed the possibilities down extensively.
[ he glances back up, fingers stilling. ] Despite.. everything, despite all the factors working against my conception and birth--and believe me, I know that there were a lot--I'm still.. here.
[ Earlier, Jim meant he knows who David is because he's the son of a woman that he considered a good friend-- a good friend who went through something horrible alongside him, and who left Starfleet despite her place in their self-made family here. It's no small thing, in his opinion, to want to make sure her son knows that Jim doesn't hold any ill-will, and that he never resented her for leaving.
Also - yes, they were intimately involved, but no, there was never any expectation of exclusivity between them. He's not mad she ended up pregnant with someone else's child around the time she'd been sleeping with him. He's not sure he'll be able to say that so plainly to the child in question, but... it's a factor.
Jim exhales in a sigh, giving David a look that's almost calculating, more Starfleet Captain than anything. Treating him like an adult. ]
I know that you're a scientist, [ he says slowly. ] I know what's in my records. I also know what's not in my records. Some of the things that I've been through are classified, David, not even I have clearance to access them anymore, and your mother never would have.
[ And even the classified files don't have everything. After Pike's death, no one on the Enterprise - not even Spock - felt comfortable with full disclosure about the most personal and revealing of facts. They believe in the Federation and Starfleet without hesitation, but they're organizations run by fallible people, and Section 31 burned a lot of bridges. ]
I wasn't exposed to a lot of radiation. I was killed. I should never have recovered. Years later, maybe I've rebounded better, but when Carol and I were involved it was right after. I don't have to tell you what that means: I can't have kids. Every test I've done supports that. I got a low percentage 'maybe with extensive medical intervention', and that's just not something your mother and I did.
[ And yet even as he speaks, something in the back of his head suggests What if the impossibility in it was a factor in Carol leaving? What if she didn't think I'd believe her? What if despite our agreement she wasn't using birth control because she wasn't sleeping with anyone else? ]
[ for a few moments, david is silent, expression even and unreadable as he watches the captain. eventually, though, he rises from the bench, moving to one of the cabinets and opening it. items clink, and he returns with a slender package and a clear, sterile tube. he settles again, tearing open the package and removing a medical swab, which he then uses to swab the inside of his cheek with. when done, he drops it lightly in the tube and closes it and pushes it toward the older man. ]
Blood would be better, but that should do. [ he turns more fully to the other man, hooking a foot around one of the legs of the bench as he does so. ] Have Dr McCoy test it if you like. If not, throw it away.
[ his hands curl atop his thighs, fingers wrinkling his coat further. he'd always known this was going to be hard, no matter how the conversation went. he just wishes.. well. there are a lot of things he wishes had gone differently. ] .. The fact is.. [ he hesitates, teeth digging into the side of his tongue as he turns the words over in his head. ] The fact is, I'm seventeen, and it's always just.. been Mum and I. I don't need a father. I don't.. need you to believe me, or care, or-- or anything at all. It's fine.
[ his fingers uncurl, smoothing the fabric, mouth pressing thin. it's true, but.. a small part of him, the part that had so earnestly followed this man's career, devoured every bit of news about him.. aches. a little. he just has to remind himself that he is seventeen. an adult, a scientist. they've never been part of one another's lives, and that isn't going to change. ]
You just.. you deserve to know, and I wanted to meet you. That's all I wanted from you, I swear.
[ It's difficult for Jim to reconcile seeing David as a scientist with the stubborn way he's sticking to this. Jim is also a scientist, more or less; he could have specialized in anything at the Academy and had more than one professor try to cajole him into blues or reds, but he couldn't ever pick one over the other and stuck to gold. As such, his sticking point is the biological hard tacks of it. ]
I'm not trying to reject you, [ he says quietly, looking at the small container. ] I grew up without a father, too.
[ His father, who he only knew in press releases and stories his mother couldn't finish, a legacy of heroism beyond his reach. Sounds familiar. It's not fine, no matter what David says. ]
Factually, David, surely you can understand where I'm coming from. [ As a scientist. ] Beyond that... the fact that I'm never having my own family is something... I've struggled to--
Bridge to Captain Kirk, [ interrupts a male voice over the ship's comm. ]
--Go ahead, Spock.
We have encountered an unknown energy mass approaching, your presence is requested on the bridge immediately.
[ then prove me wrong. it's on his lips, almost in the air, and then--of course--spock is interrupting. he's actually sort of grateful. he doesn't want to continue this conversation. honestly, he just wants to go to bed at this point, but he knows better than most civilians that he probably won't get that chance for a while.
he finds himself laughing a little, dry and brittle around the edges. ] The universe has shite timing. Still, it's probably for the best.
[ he picks the container back up and climbs to his feet, dropping it lightly in the waste, then turning back to curl his hands in the pockets of his coat. ] I'll make sure my team's on standby in case you need us. [ it's probably nothing, but it can never hurt to be prepared for the worst. ]
[ It's just baffling. It really is. This isn't about proving David wrong it's just-- how can Jim be his father? And if David is so passionate (because he is passionate) then why wouldn't he want to know who else it could be? What's the point of clinging to an impossibility?
(It's not entirely an impossibility, says a tiny voice in the back of his head. He looks like you at the right angle, he's even acting like you.
But Carol would have told me, is the obvious rejoinder, setting aside biological roadblocks.
Would she?) ]
This is the Enterprise, [ Jim says heavily as he gets to his feet, ] there's no such thing as a routine blip. Come on, you better come with. Whatever we run into, no matter how benign, is going to impact your project.
[ the thing is, david's had years to think this over, to examine it from every angle, to do the research and ask the right questions of the right people. he is emotional--more like frightened and uncomfortable and embarrassed--but he's also dead certain.
this is more comfortable territory, though, strangely enough. despite the possible danger and his inexperience with it, a part of him is almost excited (and it lets him set aside everything about the last several hours). ] Not sure how much I can do from the bridge, regardless, but-- [ he strips out of his coat, tossing it across the bench and grabbing the padd as he hurries to follow the older man. ]
[ Jim's blindsided here. David's going to have to have some patience-- or at least slam definitive proof in his face. Right now the idea's simmering in his head, still mostly in disbelief but thrown off-balance by the young doctor's unwavering certainty and his own inability to see any possibility as a lost cause. ]
Understanding the scope of something and seeing it up close offers a level of insight you can't get from the research decks, [ Jim tells him as they make their way quickly to the lifts. This he can do, he's confident in. And he's serious: he's always dragging people up out of the labs and bays below, making sure every member gets a chance to really experience, and he runs his bridge crew like a think-tank. It's why the Enterprise is so good at what they do. ]
Captain on the bridge, [ an ensign chimes as soon as he steps out, directing David to the railed observation path that loops around the back half of the area. ]
What've we got? [ Jim asks, and is met with explanations - or summaries, at least. It's a thing, hovering a few kilometers away, and it seems to be observing them just as they're observing it. Looking at the recorded pathway, Jim thinks it looks like a curious kid who ran up to see what had come near its back yard, and says so.
Behind David, the lift opens again, revealing Doctor McCoy. He stands nearby, listening in. ]
[ normally, david likes to think he's above being impressed, especially by things as mundane as the bridge of a starfleet ship, but.. this is actually pretty great. as much as he doesn't want to think about his dad as his dad right now, seeing he and his command staff interact makes something like pride coil small and tight and private in his chest. this is the crew of the enterprise. this is the youngest captain in starfleet history. if he never tells another soul, if no one ever cares or believes him, he'll know.
he offers a small, slightly distracted smile to doctor mccoy, getting a curious sideglance in return, then ducks his head to his padd to sync it up with the bridge computer. as a civilian, he's not entitled to the same accesses that the science crew receives, but he gets enough information to at least make some educated guesses of his own.
--aesthetically, it's.. almost pretty, the energy pulses almost familiar in a way. he frowns as he spins the model on his padd, something about it nagging at him. ]
[ The tension gathered in him doesn't fully dissipate as he bounces ideas to and fro with his crew, but it lessens - this is Jim's element, where he's really alive. He's far from the youngest captain anymore, but there's something eternally youthful and fresh-eyed about the way he tackles whatever's in front of him.
In a lull while an equation's being run, Spock and Chekov nattering about something, McCoy ends up by his captain's side-- it brings a brief wordless back and forth done entirely in body language and glances. You paged me while I was in surgery what's so damn important - Nothing - Bullshit - You're right but later-- and then it's the doctor glancing over his shoulder and back at him as if, Is that Carol's kid? but then they're back to working out the giant-space-energy-puppy-thing.
They've been friends for way too long, perhaps.
It turns out that the entity they've encountered is a child, or a sentient probe of some kind detached from a mass they thought was a nearby star. Peaceful and mostly stationary, it seems curious but little else. They decide, though, that if they're going to launch Genesis anywhere in this area, they should do it in a position that's not disrupting their new find. ]
Quite the view, huh? [ Jim asks quietly when most of the commotion has died down. Report writing: the exciting part no one tells you about in Starfleet. ]
--Huh? [ david glances back up, looking a little dazed for a second-- the same look carol gets when she's lost in her work. he blinks, then flushes faintly, glancing down at his padd--now filled with what seems to be some sort of calculations--before carefully saving his progress and ending it. he glances back up, then, gaze drawn toward the viewing screen a little wistfully. ] .. Yeah. I don't get off Earth much, honestly, so it's nice being on a ship.
[ he hesitates, reaching up to push his hair back from his brow and trying to get his blush back under control. ] It was.. also kind of fun to watch you and your crew. You can tell you've been working together for a long time.
[ though it was definitely strange being here to see it in person instead of reading about it or listening to a report afterward. not that this had been particularly exciting as far as encounters with alien beings go, but the less exciting, the safer the crew and ship, so david can't really complain.
he curls his padd to his chest, glancing back up at the captain again, curious, expression the most open it's been since their first encounter. ]
Just tired of myself, sometimes, [ is a wry, perhaps shockingly honest remark.
In the time it's taken to handle this discovery, Jim's come to a conclusion: he doesn't give a shit who David's father is. If it's him, they'll deal with it. If it's not him, he's going to treat the kid as best he can and respect that he's gone through most of his life thinking about Captain James T Kirk, distant Starfleet explorer, as being the guy in that position.
As he herds David towards the lifts again: ] I'd like to continue our conversation. I want to know.
How do you mea-- [ but he's interrupted from his question as he's urged back toward the lift, eyes widening in surprise. for a few moments after the door closes behind them, he looks as if he isn't quite certain how to respond. he's not even sure if he wants to.
he glances toward him, suddenly cautious again. ] Don't.. do this because you feel obligated. That's not what I want. [ it's like he said-- he doesn't really want anything out of him, not really. once this mission is over, their lives will probably go separate ways again. that's just the reality of it. ]
[ He waits until they're enclosed in the privacy of the lift before saying anything else - to anyone observing, they sound like they're discussing something about Genesis - but he does catch McCoy's gaze for a brief moment before the doors close. ]
I don't think that's what you want, [ Jim assures him - well, he hopes he sounds assuring, or at least honest. Because he is. ]
I gotta know now, though. [ He shrugs, and gives David a slightly lopsided, sympathetic smile. ] I guess it's the scientist in me. It's probably not the family man in me, seeing as how that's gone.
[ Ha ha bleak humor about his dead father and absentee mother and being put on Tarsus IV after acting out so much. Anyway. Lift's open. ]
I don't know how much I believe about the family man in you being gone. [ he steps out of the lift, mouth finally quirking faintly. ] I mean, maybe it's not like someone else's might be, but.. seems to me you've made your own family here. It's obvious that your command crew cares a lot about you, anyway, and I don't think it's any secret that you care about them.
[ it makes him glad to think that kirk isn't alone, that he has people who love and support him.
he's quiet for a few moments as they walk, but then he clears his throat, his ears going a little red. ]
I haven't.. told anyone. Not even Mum or-- Well. It's just been this.. side-project, I suppose. [ he trails off, tapping fingers against his padd a little restlessly. ] You have to understand: Mum is great. I mean, you know that, of course, but she's really.. she's always done her best, and I know that. But I also know.. sometimes.. when she looks at me.. [ he trails off a little uncertainly, not quite sure how to put it. finally, he shrugs. ] I needed to know who she was seeing.
[ Really, Jim usually isn't maudlin about his (genetic) family situation: thinking about having kids is inspiring it. He came to terms with that never being an option a long time ago, and he'd surprised himself-- he'd never thought about it too much until he was being told it was off the table. But in those days it was somewhat sad. Could he have rebuilt? Reconnect with his mother over grandkids? Have a family without running away, like his brother did? George Jr has children, Jim's met the oldest, but despite the bittersweet hopeful end of that encounter, they never spoke again.
A hypothetical charming enough that it was a blessing to have never wanted it in earnest before it became impossible. 'You could adopt, Jim.' Well, could he? Who's going to sign off on that? That one's a self-fulfilling prophecy, probably; if he can't have kids, then there's no reason to settle down, but if he's not settled down, he can't adopt a kid.
Or it's just excuses. Does he want it or doesn't he?
David's insightful remarks about the Enterprise family humble Jim into silence for a long moment. He's touched, a little. The fact that it's obvious makes him feel good about the decisions he's made. It also makes him wonder, briefly, if the parents on his bridge have enough leave time. But they all make do. ]
Hey. [ Gently, outside the medical labs. ] She was seeing you.
[ Carol Marcus is not Winona Kirk. Jim has faith in that. If it pained Carol to see the echo of a past lover in her son's face, well-- who knows who the father really is, but if it's Jim? He's not dead. He's one subspace message away, and has always been. ]
She took you and kept you close. You don't have any ghosts over your shoulders, David.
[ he glances up, lips curling into a small smile to show that he's not upset. ] I've never blamed her. It's not as if occasionally seeing someone else in me made her love me less. It even makes perfect sense. [ his mother is a gentle person with a very big heart, after all, and if his father is kirk--as he's mostly certain--her decision never to tell him must have weighed on her.
there have been times, he thinks, in which she'd almost given in, almost contacted him-- perhaps for the very reason that kirk is so certain he can't be david's father. maybe david was some sort of fluke, when all the right factors managed to align, and her son was jim kirk's only chance for a biological child.
but on the other hand, david knows his own personality is less like his mother's than she would have liked, and having regular contact with someone like captain kirk would have tempted him in directions she feared him going. as it is, starfleet is still a little tempting.. now and again.
--anyway. he takes a bracing breath, straightening narrow shoulders and stepping toward the doors, watching them open. ] Well. Let's get this cleared up.
[ Jim doesn't wear his wounds so close to the surface these days - scarred over since he was David's age - but it's a subject that hits close to his heart anyway. His mother could never see her second child as anything but a poltergeist; she went up into the black with a husband, and came back with a baby. And he was just too spitting of an image.
Carol wouldn't. Without a doubt, David knows the woman better, infinitely so, but ... Jim has to believe it. Foolishly, maybe.
But: yep, things to do. Jim finds he's calm, which almost surprises him, but despite the odd feelings and devil's advocate voices, he's still certain that it's impossible to have fathered a child-- especially when he was with Carol, so soon after the incident. Doctor McCoy appears as they're setting up, and the initial introduction is derailed by the CMO hauling Jim into a sideroom to rail at him about the impossibility and if Jim's losing his mind and the psychological welfare of a teenager and etc and so on at the risk of having to NPC somebody extensively-- look he's got to be here for this, and he thinks Jim's nuts. ]
Sorry about him, [ Jim ends up saying, weary, as Bones none-too-gently collects Jim's blood sample (endlessly gentle with David). ] He loves me, really.
[ And he does, is the thing. That much is clear; Jim trusts the man like he's an extension of himself, and the doctor's aggression is pure protectiveness. Also a healthy dose of all bark no bite. ]
I can tell. [ it's not even sarcastic. that just seems to be the kind of man leonard mccoy is, showing his affection and concern through grouchiness. ] I know he's worried about you. [ david never would have said anything if he hadn't had ten years to make certain. after all, the last thing he wants to do is hurt kirk in any way.
he watches the doctor work for several moments, hands curled together loosely atop his padd. at the question, though, he glances toward the older man with a small smile. ] My boyfriend certainly seems to think so lately. [ he uncurls a hand to push his hair back from his face again, then shakes his head. ] --I work a lot, I guess, but I like to do other things, too. I like mountain-climbing, much to Mum's horror. There are some great mountain ranges on New Vulcan. .. I dive, too, but Rish is less enthusiastic about deep water.
[ he stretches his legs out, crossing his ankles lightly. it's.. sort of strange, talking about his hobbies like this with captain kirk of all people. this entire cycle has been.. bizarre. ] Of course.. lately, I've been so involved in Genesis that I haven't had time for much else. I just.. it could change things forever. We're all feeling the weight of it, but.. [ he trails off, then shrugs a little awkwardly. ]
Mountain climbing is great. [ Said with a laugh. You can't pass hobbies on genetically, right? That has to be a coincidence. Some kind of rebellion, since Carol's not the type. ]
You're doing incredible work. I don't know how you balance it and dating somebody, honestly, you're miles ahead of most people twice your age on that front. It's hard, though, putting anything ahead of what you're passionate about.
[ he flashes him another quick smile, a little flustered despite himself. ] I guess I just had to grow up faster than some, that's all.
[ he smooths his fingers atop the padd as he glances back down at it, expression softening with clear affection. ] --And Rish is great. He actually volunteered to go on this rotation so we'd get to spend some time together. [ though between their individual schedules, sometimes they barely see one another in passing. it is what it is, though-- they'd both known what they were getting into.
he shifts, glancing back up curiously. ] Do you do much climbing now?
[ Jim has half a mind to apologize for keeping him-- but this is kind of important. If this boyfriend is worth the effort, he'll understand and deal with it. Though he does make a mental note to investigate how he ended up dating an Enterprise crew member. Huh. ]
Mostly artificial rock walls in gyms. Almost all of our retrofit or repair leave is on starbases, which tend to be fresh out of mountains. The last time I did a stint dirtside, though, I got out some.
[ They're interrupted by McCoy, whose cranky expression is otherwise unreadable. He needs another sample from David; Jim sees the tension across the other man's shoulders, but doesn't ask. ]
[ god, jim, just ask.. it's not a secret. (probably.) ]
I don't get to do it as often as I like. [ a mild admission, coupled with a slightly embarrassed smile. he has to be careful even now-- though he doesn't typically let it stop him entirely. after all, if one activity is out of the question, he can find something else to do. generally speaking.
he glances up as mccoy interrupts, though, letting the older man take his blood again without complaint. he rubs the spot absently as the man steps away again, glance following him for a few moments before turning back to the captain. ] It's a shame you don't get more leave on planets.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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his eyes lift a little, unconcerned, when he hears the first footsteps-- then widen. he shoots up straight, narrow shoulders tense beneath the wrinkled lab-coat. for a few seconds, he looks as if he doesn't know how to react, but then his expression closes down, hiding anything he might actually feel about jim coming to find him. ]
.. Captain. [ his fingers curl together against the table, then uncurl once more, reaching for the padd at his elbow. this is.. wildly uncomfortable. he feels like a scared kid. ] I'm sorry about earlier. It was-- I shouldn't have said anything. [ there. that's what this is about, isn't it? maybe now that he's gotten that out of the way, he'll feel less like sinking through the deck. ]
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Apology accepted, [ he decides on, instead of It's okay. Kindness without coddling. ] From what you said, though, I think it's important that we speak frankly with each other.
[ Jim glances at the panel on the wall, making sure there's no one else in the lab. He'd invite David back to his quarters, but imagines this is more secure ground for the kid. Satisfied that they're alone and anyone entering the lab will have to stop and enter a clearance code anyway, Jim takes a seat on the other end of the workbench, one leg on either side. ]
Who do you think I am, David?
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That's impossible. [ .. ah. he blinks, shaking himself a little. kirk.. doesn't know? so earlier.. well. he really does feel foolish, now. even so, that doesn't change facts.
he clears his throat. ] Sorry, that is-- what you think I think.. Captain, I'm a scientist. I don't just leap blindly to conclusions, even about things that are-- that mean something personally to me. [ he rolls a stylus across the table, glancing away from the older man and down to his fingers. ] Starfleet keeps extremely extensive records, especially of its most valuable and decorated members. Even before my, ah, access, though, simple process of elimination narrowed the possibilities down extensively.
[ he glances back up, fingers stilling. ] Despite.. everything, despite all the factors working against my conception and birth--and believe me, I know that there were a lot--I'm still.. here.
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Also - yes, they were intimately involved, but no, there was never any expectation of exclusivity between them. He's not mad she ended up pregnant with someone else's child around the time she'd been sleeping with him. He's not sure he'll be able to say that so plainly to the child in question, but... it's a factor.
Jim exhales in a sigh, giving David a look that's almost calculating, more Starfleet Captain than anything. Treating him like an adult. ]
I know that you're a scientist, [ he says slowly. ] I know what's in my records. I also know what's not in my records. Some of the things that I've been through are classified, David, not even I have clearance to access them anymore, and your mother never would have.
[ And even the classified files don't have everything. After Pike's death, no one on the Enterprise - not even Spock - felt comfortable with full disclosure about the most personal and revealing of facts. They believe in the Federation and Starfleet without hesitation, but they're organizations run by fallible people, and Section 31 burned a lot of bridges. ]
I wasn't exposed to a lot of radiation. I was killed. I should never have recovered. Years later, maybe I've rebounded better, but when Carol and I were involved it was right after. I don't have to tell you what that means: I can't have kids. Every test I've done supports that. I got a low percentage 'maybe with extensive medical intervention', and that's just not something your mother and I did.
[ And yet even as he speaks, something in the back of his head suggests What if the impossibility in it was a factor in Carol leaving? What if she didn't think I'd believe her? What if despite our agreement she wasn't using birth control because she wasn't sleeping with anyone else? ]
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Blood would be better, but that should do. [ he turns more fully to the other man, hooking a foot around one of the legs of the bench as he does so. ] Have Dr McCoy test it if you like. If not, throw it away.
[ his hands curl atop his thighs, fingers wrinkling his coat further. he'd always known this was going to be hard, no matter how the conversation went. he just wishes.. well. there are a lot of things he wishes had gone differently. ] .. The fact is.. [ he hesitates, teeth digging into the side of his tongue as he turns the words over in his head. ] The fact is, I'm seventeen, and it's always just.. been Mum and I. I don't need a father. I don't.. need you to believe me, or care, or-- or anything at all. It's fine.
[ his fingers uncurl, smoothing the fabric, mouth pressing thin. it's true, but.. a small part of him, the part that had so earnestly followed this man's career, devoured every bit of news about him.. aches. a little. he just has to remind himself that he is seventeen. an adult, a scientist. they've never been part of one another's lives, and that isn't going to change. ]
You just.. you deserve to know, and I wanted to meet you. That's all I wanted from you, I swear.
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I'm not trying to reject you, [ he says quietly, looking at the small container. ] I grew up without a father, too.
[ His father, who he only knew in press releases and stories his mother couldn't finish, a legacy of heroism beyond his reach. Sounds familiar. It's not fine, no matter what David says. ]
Factually, David, surely you can understand where I'm coming from. [ As a scientist. ] Beyond that... the fact that I'm never having my own family is something... I've struggled to--
Bridge to Captain Kirk, [ interrupts a male voice over the ship's comm. ]
--Go ahead, Spock.
We have encountered an unknown energy mass approaching, your presence is requested on the bridge immediately.
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he finds himself laughing a little, dry and brittle around the edges. ] The universe has shite timing. Still, it's probably for the best.
[ he picks the container back up and climbs to his feet, dropping it lightly in the waste, then turning back to curl his hands in the pockets of his coat. ] I'll make sure my team's on standby in case you need us. [ it's probably nothing, but it can never hurt to be prepared for the worst. ]
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(It's not entirely an impossibility, says a tiny voice in the back of his head. He looks like you at the right angle, he's even acting like you.
But Carol would have told me, is the obvious rejoinder, setting aside biological roadblocks.
Would she?) ]
This is the Enterprise, [ Jim says heavily as he gets to his feet, ] there's no such thing as a routine blip. Come on, you better come with. Whatever we run into, no matter how benign, is going to impact your project.
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this is more comfortable territory, though, strangely enough. despite the possible danger and his inexperience with it, a part of him is almost excited (and it lets him set aside everything about the last several hours). ] Not sure how much I can do from the bridge, regardless, but-- [ he strips out of his coat, tossing it across the bench and grabbing the padd as he hurries to follow the older man. ]
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Understanding the scope of something and seeing it up close offers a level of insight you can't get from the research decks, [ Jim tells him as they make their way quickly to the lifts. This he can do, he's confident in. And he's serious: he's always dragging people up out of the labs and bays below, making sure every member gets a chance to really experience, and he runs his bridge crew like a think-tank. It's why the Enterprise is so good at what they do. ]
Captain on the bridge, [ an ensign chimes as soon as he steps out, directing David to the railed observation path that loops around the back half of the area. ]
What've we got? [ Jim asks, and is met with explanations - or summaries, at least. It's a thing, hovering a few kilometers away, and it seems to be observing them just as they're observing it. Looking at the recorded pathway, Jim thinks it looks like a curious kid who ran up to see what had come near its back yard, and says so.
Behind David, the lift opens again, revealing Doctor McCoy. He stands nearby, listening in. ]
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he offers a small, slightly distracted smile to doctor mccoy, getting a curious sideglance in return, then ducks his head to his padd to sync it up with the bridge computer. as a civilian, he's not entitled to the same accesses that the science crew receives, but he gets enough information to at least make some educated guesses of his own.
--aesthetically, it's.. almost pretty, the energy pulses almost familiar in a way. he frowns as he spins the model on his padd, something about it nagging at him. ]
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In a lull while an equation's being run, Spock and Chekov nattering about something, McCoy ends up by his captain's side-- it brings a brief wordless back and forth done entirely in body language and glances. You paged me while I was in surgery what's so damn important - Nothing - Bullshit - You're right but later-- and then it's the doctor glancing over his shoulder and back at him as if, Is that Carol's kid? but then they're back to working out the giant-space-energy-puppy-thing.
They've been friends for way too long, perhaps.
It turns out that the entity they've encountered is a child, or a sentient probe of some kind detached from a mass they thought was a nearby star. Peaceful and mostly stationary, it seems curious but little else. They decide, though, that if they're going to launch Genesis anywhere in this area, they should do it in a position that's not disrupting their new find. ]
Quite the view, huh? [ Jim asks quietly when most of the commotion has died down. Report writing: the exciting part no one tells you about in Starfleet. ]
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[ he hesitates, reaching up to push his hair back from his brow and trying to get his blush back under control. ] It was.. also kind of fun to watch you and your crew. You can tell you've been working together for a long time.
[ though it was definitely strange being here to see it in person instead of reading about it or listening to a report afterward. not that this had been particularly exciting as far as encounters with alien beings go, but the less exciting, the safer the crew and ship, so david can't really complain.
he curls his padd to his chest, glancing back up at the captain again, curious, expression the most open it's been since their first encounter. ]
You never get tired of this, do you?
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In the time it's taken to handle this discovery, Jim's come to a conclusion: he doesn't give a shit who David's father is. If it's him, they'll deal with it. If it's not him, he's going to treat the kid as best he can and respect that he's gone through most of his life thinking about Captain James T Kirk, distant Starfleet explorer, as being the guy in that position.
As he herds David towards the lifts again: ] I'd like to continue our conversation. I want to know.
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he glances toward him, suddenly cautious again. ] Don't.. do this because you feel obligated. That's not what I want. [ it's like he said-- he doesn't really want anything out of him, not really. once this mission is over, their lives will probably go separate ways again. that's just the reality of it. ]
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I don't think that's what you want, [ Jim assures him - well, he hopes he sounds assuring, or at least honest. Because he is. ]
I gotta know now, though. [ He shrugs, and gives David a slightly lopsided, sympathetic smile. ] I guess it's the scientist in me. It's probably not the family man in me, seeing as how that's gone.
[ Ha ha bleak humor about his dead father and absentee mother and being put on Tarsus IV after acting out so much. Anyway. Lift's open. ]
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[ it makes him glad to think that kirk isn't alone, that he has people who love and support him.
he's quiet for a few moments as they walk, but then he clears his throat, his ears going a little red. ]
I haven't.. told anyone. Not even Mum or-- Well. It's just been this.. side-project, I suppose. [ he trails off, tapping fingers against his padd a little restlessly. ] You have to understand: Mum is great. I mean, you know that, of course, but she's really.. she's always done her best, and I know that. But I also know.. sometimes.. when she looks at me.. [ he trails off a little uncertainly, not quite sure how to put it. finally, he shrugs. ] I needed to know who she was seeing.
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A hypothetical charming enough that it was a blessing to have never wanted it in earnest before it became impossible. 'You could adopt, Jim.' Well, could he? Who's going to sign off on that? That one's a self-fulfilling prophecy, probably; if he can't have kids, then there's no reason to settle down, but if he's not settled down, he can't adopt a kid.
Or it's just excuses. Does he want it or doesn't he?
David's insightful remarks about the Enterprise family humble Jim into silence for a long moment. He's touched, a little. The fact that it's obvious makes him feel good about the decisions he's made. It also makes him wonder, briefly, if the parents on his bridge have enough leave time. But they all make do. ]
Hey. [ Gently, outside the medical labs. ] She was seeing you.
[ Carol Marcus is not Winona Kirk. Jim has faith in that. If it pained Carol to see the echo of a past lover in her son's face, well-- who knows who the father really is, but if it's Jim? He's not dead. He's one subspace message away, and has always been. ]
She took you and kept you close. You don't have any ghosts over your shoulders, David.
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there have been times, he thinks, in which she'd almost given in, almost contacted him-- perhaps for the very reason that kirk is so certain he can't be david's father. maybe david was some sort of fluke, when all the right factors managed to align, and her son was jim kirk's only chance for a biological child.
but on the other hand, david knows his own personality is less like his mother's than she would have liked, and having regular contact with someone like captain kirk would have tempted him in directions she feared him going. as it is, starfleet is still a little tempting.. now and again.
--anyway. he takes a bracing breath, straightening narrow shoulders and stepping toward the doors, watching them open. ] Well. Let's get this cleared up.
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Carol wouldn't. Without a doubt, David knows the woman better, infinitely so, but ... Jim has to believe it. Foolishly, maybe.
But: yep, things to do. Jim finds he's calm, which almost surprises him, but despite the odd feelings and devil's advocate voices, he's still certain that it's impossible to have fathered a child-- especially when he was with Carol, so soon after the incident. Doctor McCoy appears as they're setting up, and the initial introduction is derailed by the CMO hauling Jim into a sideroom to rail at him about the impossibility and if Jim's losing his mind and the psychological welfare of a teenager and etc and so on at the risk of having to NPC somebody extensively-- look he's got to be here for this, and he thinks Jim's nuts. ]
Sorry about him, [ Jim ends up saying, weary, as Bones none-too-gently collects Jim's blood sample (endlessly gentle with David). ] He loves me, really.
[ And he does, is the thing. That much is clear; Jim trusts the man like he's an extension of himself, and the doctor's aggression is pure protectiveness. Also a healthy dose of all bark no bite. ]
Are you an all work kinda guy, David?
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he watches the doctor work for several moments, hands curled together loosely atop his padd. at the question, though, he glances toward the older man with a small smile. ] My boyfriend certainly seems to think so lately. [ he uncurls a hand to push his hair back from his face again, then shakes his head. ] --I work a lot, I guess, but I like to do other things, too. I like mountain-climbing, much to Mum's horror. There are some great mountain ranges on New Vulcan. .. I dive, too, but Rish is less enthusiastic about deep water.
[ he stretches his legs out, crossing his ankles lightly. it's.. sort of strange, talking about his hobbies like this with captain kirk of all people. this entire cycle has been.. bizarre. ] Of course.. lately, I've been so involved in Genesis that I haven't had time for much else. I just.. it could change things forever. We're all feeling the weight of it, but.. [ he trails off, then shrugs a little awkwardly. ]
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You're doing incredible work. I don't know how you balance it and dating somebody, honestly, you're miles ahead of most people twice your age on that front. It's hard, though, putting anything ahead of what you're passionate about.
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[ he smooths his fingers atop the padd as he glances back down at it, expression softening with clear affection. ] --And Rish is great. He actually volunteered to go on this rotation so we'd get to spend some time together. [ though between their individual schedules, sometimes they barely see one another in passing. it is what it is, though-- they'd both known what they were getting into.
he shifts, glancing back up curiously. ] Do you do much climbing now?
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Mostly artificial rock walls in gyms. Almost all of our retrofit or repair leave is on starbases, which tend to be fresh out of mountains. The last time I did a stint dirtside, though, I got out some.
[ They're interrupted by McCoy, whose cranky expression is otherwise unreadable. He needs another sample from David; Jim sees the tension across the other man's shoulders, but doesn't ask. ]
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I don't get to do it as often as I like. [ a mild admission, coupled with a slightly embarrassed smile. he has to be careful even now-- though he doesn't typically let it stop him entirely. after all, if one activity is out of the question, he can find something else to do. generally speaking.
he glances up as mccoy interrupts, though, letting the older man take his blood again without complaint. he rubs the spot absently as the man steps away again, glance following him for a few moments before turning back to the captain. ] It's a shame you don't get more leave on planets.
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shrugs and pours a dumb oc npc all over this reply
#good
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