[ Jim's first thought when he heard about the Genesis Project was that it was superfluous, given the number of worlds out there. But then he thought about every destroyed world-- from pollution or plague or war or natural disaster. Instead of displaying populations or risking their demise, they could renew planets.
He's spared fleeting thoughts to the long-term effects, but that's why they're looking for a dustball this far out from the known Federation sectors. ]
I'm glad you'll be getting some experience on that end with us as we search, [ he says. Jim glances back at Bones, then, watching the doctor stare intently at a computer screen behind a glass laboratory door. His six sense tells him something's off, but he can't guess at it. To David: ] Why, what's in your medical records?
[ he stares at the figure of the doctor, knee jittering absently as they wait. the question earns a small snort, though. ] Nothing too exciting anymore, thankfully. They're just extensive.
[ he'll be there for a while if that's what he's doing. which.. it would make a sort of sense if he was, wouldn't it? david's time spent in and out of hospitals probably reinforces what the dna test is telling him. his conception might have been improbable, but he hadn't escaped the effects of that improbability. thankfully for him, his mum had been more determined and more stubborn than nature.
which.. speaking of his mum. ] --You should contact Mum sometime. [ he glances toward him, stilling again, chin tilting faintly. ] I mean.. just to say hi. I feel like she'd enjoy that. [ nothing had technically stopped carol from contacting jim, either, but.. well. she'd clearly had reasons not to. ]
[ Jim just tilts his head, considering that but not prying further. As Captain he's privy to the medical records of everyone who serves on board - even contracted civilians like David and temporary guests, though he'd have to have cause the pull the latter. Same with the CMO. The particular test they're running counts far and away as just cause, he figures.
(My records are extensive too, he thinks.) ]
I reached out a few times, [ he muses. ] But after a while I decided, you know. [ Jim shrugs. ] I wasn't hearing back and she left the 'Fleet. I couldn't commit to anything that felt like I was harassing her.
[ He'd meant what he said earlier: he holds nothing against Carol, and he fully understands and respects the choices she's made. Still, it kinda sucked at the time. He really did have feelings for her. ]
Edited (edited to add MOAR FEELINGS) 2016-08-16 21:10 (UTC)
I don't think she thought that. Just.. [ he trails off, then echoes jim's shrug. ] Well. She had her hands full at the time with me. [ and with all the complicated issues that david presented at any given time simply by existing. ] I honestly don't know when she ever slept the first few years.
[ between work and david's health and research and simply being a mother, that is. david had known early in life that she'd gone to great lengths just to ensure his survival.
she'd definitely had her reasons, then. but.. had jim loved her? he's wondered now and then. given the haunted look his mother had sometimes when he could pry the subject of the enterprise's captain from her lips, he thinks she'd cared for him, at least. ]
.. I'm sorry, though. I know you said you don't blame her, but it still must've been tough not getting any answers.
[ Did Jim love her? Probably, at least in a way. He doesn't think he was in love with her, but he doesn't think he's ever been in love with anyone. Not like Spock and Nyota, Hikaru and Ben, or his mother and the ill-fated George Kirk. Jim's grown up-- he knows he's married to the job, and his heart's out here in space. His closest thing to a life partner is the increasingly irritable chief medical officer in the other room. Yikes. ]
It stung, [ he admits. ] But we hadn't made each other any promises. And the personal part of my life.. compared to my career, it was small, and only getting smaller.
[ Now there's a thought: If he did father a child and knew about it from day 1, what would he do? No exploratory starship is equipped with family quarters. ]
[ yikes indeed. david seems content with the answer, though, turning back to peer down at his feet. ] I guess Mum really did the right thing for both of you, [ he decides at last, thoughtful.
after a moment, though, his lips quirk back up, faintly teasing. ]
In any case, she seems to like nice men now. This one's a therapist, I think. [ he shakes his head. ] He's a little generic, I think, but.. she seems happy with him, so that's all that matters.
[ David's initial remark is jarring to consider, though it doesn't show outwardly. Jim knows he'd have been a disaster of a parent - he'd have wrestled with it and tortured himself, but he wouldn't have given up his career. The only thing that's made him second-guess himself over all these years has been guilt over doing what his father would have wanted: to move up in rank like a good career 'Fleet officer, and be able to settle down. And Jim hated it. Sometimes he thinks of those days after having put in his application for Vice Admiral and the psychological sensation is the terror-relief of having realized at the last second you almost walked off a ledge.
Instead of opening that can of worms, Jim pulls a face. ]
I'm nice.
[ From the laboratory, McCoy chimes: ] My ass you are.
Shut up, Bones.
shrugs and pours a dumb oc npc all over this reply
[ mccoy's interjection earns a quick, startled grin. ] Maybe for a given definition of 'nice'.
[ definitely not the kind of nice his mother is interested in right now. but then, it's been tough for her the last, oh, nearly two decades. is it any wonder that she'd want her life to be a little less complicated now..? ]
David!
[ david jumps, whipping around in shock as a tall, slim figure in a security uniform strides across the medbay toward him. it quickly becomes apparent that he's a few years older than david, a caitian--dark-skinned and -haired, with alarmingly amber eyes--and new to the crew; it'd be hard to miss him if he'd been around long. ]
God, Rish, you scared the shite out of me.
Me? [ clawed hands come down on david's shoulders, and it's clearly a strain on the poor guy not to just shake the blond. ] You weren't answering your comm, the computer said you were in medical, what was I supposed to th-- [ and then he notices kirk and his eyes go nearly comically wide in his face. ] Captain! [ david's boyfriend has a very expressive face. at the moment, it's clearly saying: what the actual fuck is going on here. ]
Captain, [ david says mildly, chin hooking over the other man's forearm as he struggles to keep a straight face, ] Lieutenant Rish. His record's so good that he was allowed to transfer last-minute from the Amaterasu.
[ while david is clearly very proud, rish manages to look some kind of cross between embarrassed, pained, and still very confused. ]
[ Since he's, you know, the captain. Speaking of being the captain: Jim looks faintly amused but he's not smiling - the hard line here is, even if David were his son, he would be afforded no special treatment. ]
Are you listed as one of Dr Marcus's emergency contacts?
[ rish looks like he would honestly rather be anywhere but where he is right now, but he slowly uncurls one hand from david's shoulder, sliding the other briefly over the younger man's nape before allowing it to fall away, too. ]
Ah, yes, Sir. Given the likelihood.. [ a quick, slightly annoyed glance back down at david, which is answered by a small shrug. ] I'm sorry, though, I had no idea you knew.. one another..?
We don't. [ probably better to just get that out of the way. as it is, david knows he's going to have to answer some questions. ] Just.. you know, he and Mum worked together years ago, we ran into one another earlier. Rish-- I promise I'm fine. You can clearly see I'm fine. Unless the captain needs you, you should probably go get some sleep.
[ Jim does smile a little this time, but only faintly. Polite. There's a kind of distance he has to keep with crew he doesn't know-- and now he has to look at this Lt in a different like, wonder if he's going to be reliable if his focus is David. In that way Jim is an incredible captain, and an honestly kind of heartless person; he'll die for anyone on the ship, but no one in particular. ]
If there is a medical emergency, you'd be contacted, then. Not to worry.
[ He waits until the young man's taken his leave, and then shoots David a look. (No eyebrow, he's just not good enough at The Eyebrow to throw his hat in the ring.) ]
Oh, yeah, [ david answers cheerfully, staring after the other man for a few moments before glancing back to jim again. ] I mean, he takes his career seriously. This is just a weird situation for both of us. We're working out the kinks, though. [ he glances down to check the time on his padd, then winces. ] And this one was definitely on me. He's been off-shift a couple of hours now.
[ he'll have questions to answer and apologies to make, actually, though they'll keep for a few hours yet.
his glance rises again, his own brows lifting. ] You can ask his his supervisors if you're worried, though.
[ --Might actually be true. Jim's expression shifts to something more comforting, a look he's had people tell him isn't quite fatherly but something. Captain Kirk, he never loses, he beat death, his confidence is deafening even when he's being gentle, isn't it?
He meets with every crew member, sooner or later. With security it's after they've gone on their first away mission (or, rarely, after they've experienced a hostile boarding if that happens first). He'll meet with Rish eventually, and they'll speak frankly. About a lot of things, apparently.
And then, because there are other rumors about Captain Kirk beyond his improbable heroism: ] He's cute.
Isn't he? [ david looks a little smitten for a half-second before mentally shaking himself. ] Honestly, occasionally I'm a little amazed that he's still interested in me after everything.
[ he supposes it helps that david isn't a so-called 'typical' teenager, and he and rish have always communicated well. ]
Mum still isn't sure about him, but it has less to do with him than with his chosen career and the fact that I'm her only child.
[ There's something kind of warm about it in a way Jim's trying not to feel - if he thinks about flippant things like his tastes for everyone and everything being passed on genetically, he has to think harder about why David's medical records would concern Bones like this. Because if his father was ravaged by radiation, he could have been born with leukemia or a hundred other things.
He forces it out of his head. Bones is going to come back and lecture them both about vitamins and allergies and that'll be all. ]
You know, she was a weapons specialist. Did she ever tell you about the first thing she did on her mission with me? Speaking of reckless Starfleet moments.
[ the question earns a curious, even eager glance, david straightening up in interest. ] She's given me the bullet points of what went on, and of course I've read basically everything available about it, but I know there's a lot that never went into official documents-- a lot of personal testimony and all. [ and more that's so highly classified it would be impossible to find. he's not really expecting that, but.. it would be nice to hear more about his mother from before.. especially like this.
he turns on the bench, tucking a leg beneath himself to give the older man his entire attention. ]
I knew she was a weapons specialist, though. Sometimes when she's bored she starts re-designing phasers.
Carol Marcus, [ Jim begins in a voice that's only a little wry under how amused he is at the memory ] took my chief medical officer down onto a rock to disassemble a live warhead about five minutes after she copped to having forged her transfer papers to get aboard the Enterprise.
[ Then with a chuckle, ] that does sound like her.
[ His fondness for her is obvious. Carol's a hell of a woman, and she impressed him on, honestly, too many levels. ]
The most terrifying surgery I've ever been a part of, [ comes the familiar voice behind them, and david jumps a little, turning back to peer up at the doctor.
bones gives him a reassuring glance, then turns a pointed look on jim. ]
You, my office. [ a beat, then back to david again. ] Stay put, this shouldn't take long.
[ without waiting for a response from either of them, he turns on his heel and strides impatiently back to his office, apparently expecting jim to follow without complaint. david blinks, then glances to the captain, brows arching. ]
[ Jim rolls his eyes at McCoy's back, but pushes himself to his feet. ]
Ayup. [ Stay put indeed. Jim gives him a little smile and pats David's shoulder as he goes to the CMO's office, door shutting automatically behind him. There are a dozen tiny, nervous things fluttering inside him that he's refusing to feel or acknowledge-- and oddly enough, Bones being gruff with him puts him at ease. thisisfinememe.jpg
And then it's. Not fine. And then a goddamn nuclear bomb gets dropped on him, standing in Bones's office, his best friend clutching a PADD but not really showing him - why would Jim need to look, Bones wouldn't lie - and he. Needs a minute. Or a year.
This shouldn't take long or Jim could sit down on the edge of McCoy's desk, one hand clutched against a corner, staring at him and trying desperately, silently, to figure out how the fuck gravity is working now in this new world.
Breathe, [ bones reminds him in a grunt, though the concern is obvious in his eyes for anyone who's known him as long as jim has. he flips the padd over in his hands, squinting down at it briefly before setting it aside. ] I wouldn't've believed it if I hadn't done the test twice, myself, with two different samples. I don't have to tell you the odds of conception were astronomical.
[ he pinches the bridge of his nose, then sits back, folding his arms. ] Not just conception, though, but survival. [ he jerks his thumb back out in david's direction, brows arching. ] The fact that that kid's lived to adulthood is damn-near miraculous. He and Carol are fighters.
[ you really have to admire a woman that determined. but then, he supposes he can't blame her-- the fact that it had happened at all must have seemed almost like destiny. ]
Anyway-- [ he clears his throat, looking faintly awkward and uncomfortable. ] Thought you might need a few minutes.
[ It's a while before he says anything. Unsurprisingly. ]
I grew up without a father. Carol knew that.
[ Jim still wholeheartedly believes everything he's asserted about his former paramour - she did the right thing, made a hard call and did what she felt was best. Jim respects it. But he can't help the stab of betrayal he feels in the heat of the moment-- Jim knows, of course he fucking knows, he'd have made a terrible parent and he'd have never given up the five-year mission just when he'd finally gotten it.
Fuck, though. Jim pulls his hand up and scrubs it over his face, coming to rest over his mouth, gaze on some unfocused point past the other man's shoulder. ]
What the hell do I say to him? I've spent... I've just been. Telling him there's no way.
Jim.. [ he gets a long look, and bones' brows pinch faintly, lowering over his eyes. ] He's a smart kid. I'm sure he knows the odds just as well as you and I do.
[ david doesn't seem like the type of kid to hold a grudge, especially against a father that hadn't known he existed. that had been certain, more, that it was impossible for him to have children. ]
Anyway, what were you gonna' do? Leave the Enterprise and go play dad? Please. [ he glances back out toward david, who appears to be engrossed in work on his padd again, curled up with apparent ease on the bench. ] .. You may not have had his childhood, but he's here now. [ he glances back up, frowning thoughtfully. ] What do you want to do?
No, no, I'm... [ Jim lets out a long breath and drops his hand, both tense and helpless. ] I don't know! I don't know. Even before we established I can't have kids I never-- [ Jim just shrugs. It's not like he was ever going to be a good parent. Which doesn't make him a shitty person or anything, it just makes him self-aware. Carol knew that and, he's assuming, decided it would be the least awkward and troublesome thing to do to just remove the whole equation instead of fuck around with the unstable variables.
She was right. ]
Is it too late to airlock myself to get out of having this conversation?
It was too late when you marched your ass in here in the first place. Now stop overthinking it and go talk to your son. [ a beat, and his brows shoot up. ] .. Damn. Never thought I'd ever have to say that to you.
[ he makes a shooing gesture with one hand, frowning again as he does so. ]
And when you're done, send him to me. I've got about a dozen things to yell at him about.
[ Jim looks faintly queasy at the phrase your son. The technical truth of it is terrifying. The emotional truth is he's no more David's father than if Carol had gotten an anonymous donor-- except that David's been following his career and... Jim doesn't know what his train of thought is doing. He presses a hand over his face again and leans forward, considering for a moment the merits of resting his head on Bones's shoulder.
But he straightens up. ]
Maybe give him a couple days before subjecting him to the full Doctor McCoy experience, [ he says quietly.
God. God.
Eventually. Jim leaves the office. ]
Seems I owe you an apology, [ he says when he returns. ]
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He's spared fleeting thoughts to the long-term effects, but that's why they're looking for a dustball this far out from the known Federation sectors. ]
I'm glad you'll be getting some experience on that end with us as we search, [ he says. Jim glances back at Bones, then, watching the doctor stare intently at a computer screen behind a glass laboratory door. His six sense tells him something's off, but he can't guess at it. To David: ] Why, what's in your medical records?
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[ he'll be there for a while if that's what he's doing. which.. it would make a sort of sense if he was, wouldn't it? david's time spent in and out of hospitals probably reinforces what the dna test is telling him. his conception might have been improbable, but he hadn't escaped the effects of that improbability. thankfully for him, his mum had been more determined and more stubborn than nature.
which.. speaking of his mum. ] --You should contact Mum sometime. [ he glances toward him, stilling again, chin tilting faintly. ] I mean.. just to say hi. I feel like she'd enjoy that. [ nothing had technically stopped carol from contacting jim, either, but.. well. she'd clearly had reasons not to. ]
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(My records are extensive too, he thinks.) ]
I reached out a few times, [ he muses. ] But after a while I decided, you know. [ Jim shrugs. ] I wasn't hearing back and she left the 'Fleet. I couldn't commit to anything that felt like I was harassing her.
[ He'd meant what he said earlier: he holds nothing against Carol, and he fully understands and respects the choices she's made. Still, it kinda sucked at the time. He really did have feelings for her. ]
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[ between work and david's health and research and simply being a mother, that is. david had known early in life that she'd gone to great lengths just to ensure his survival.
she'd definitely had her reasons, then. but.. had jim loved her? he's wondered now and then. given the haunted look his mother had sometimes when he could pry the subject of the enterprise's captain from her lips, he thinks she'd cared for him, at least. ]
.. I'm sorry, though. I know you said you don't blame her, but it still must've been tough not getting any answers.
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It stung, [ he admits. ] But we hadn't made each other any promises. And the personal part of my life.. compared to my career, it was small, and only getting smaller.
[ Now there's a thought: If he did father a child and knew about it from day 1, what would he do? No exploratory starship is equipped with family quarters. ]
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after a moment, though, his lips quirk back up, faintly teasing. ]
In any case, she seems to like nice men now. This one's a therapist, I think. [ he shakes his head. ] He's a little generic, I think, but.. she seems happy with him, so that's all that matters.
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Instead of opening that can of worms, Jim pulls a face. ]
I'm nice.
[ From the laboratory, McCoy chimes: ] My ass you are.
Shut up, Bones.
shrugs and pours a dumb oc npc all over this reply
[ definitely not the kind of nice his mother is interested in right now. but then, it's been tough for her the last, oh, nearly two decades. is it any wonder that she'd want her life to be a little less complicated now..? ]
David!
[ david jumps, whipping around in shock as a tall, slim figure in a security uniform strides across the medbay toward him. it quickly becomes apparent that he's a few years older than david, a caitian--dark-skinned and -haired, with alarmingly amber eyes--and new to the crew; it'd be hard to miss him if he'd been around long. ]
God, Rish, you scared the shite out of me.
Me? [ clawed hands come down on david's shoulders, and it's clearly a strain on the poor guy not to just shake the blond. ] You weren't answering your comm, the computer said you were in medical, what was I supposed to th-- [ and then he notices kirk and his eyes go nearly comically wide in his face. ] Captain! [ david's boyfriend has a very expressive face. at the moment, it's clearly saying: what the actual fuck is going on here. ]
Captain, [ david says mildly, chin hooking over the other man's forearm as he struggles to keep a straight face, ] Lieutenant Rish. His record's so good that he was allowed to transfer last-minute from the Amaterasu.
[ while david is clearly very proud, rish manages to look some kind of cross between embarrassed, pained, and still very confused. ]
#good
[ Since he's, you know, the captain. Speaking of being the captain: Jim looks faintly amused but he's not smiling - the hard line here is, even if David were his son, he would be afforded no special treatment. ]
Are you listed as one of Dr Marcus's emergency contacts?
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Ah, yes, Sir. Given the likelihood.. [ a quick, slightly annoyed glance back down at david, which is answered by a small shrug. ] I'm sorry, though, I had no idea you knew.. one another..?
We don't. [ probably better to just get that out of the way. as it is, david knows he's going to have to answer some questions. ] Just.. you know, he and Mum worked together years ago, we ran into one another earlier. Rish-- I promise I'm fine. You can clearly see I'm fine. Unless the captain needs you, you should probably go get some sleep.
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If there is a medical emergency, you'd be contacted, then. Not to worry.
[ He waits until the young man's taken his leave, and then shoots David a look. (No eyebrow, he's just not good enough at The Eyebrow to throw his hat in the ring.) ]
His head in the game?
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[ he'll have questions to answer and apologies to make, actually, though they'll keep for a few hours yet.
his glance rises again, his own brows lifting. ] You can ask his his supervisors if you're worried, though.
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[ --Might actually be true. Jim's expression shifts to something more comforting, a look he's had people tell him isn't quite fatherly but something. Captain Kirk, he never loses, he beat death, his confidence is deafening even when he's being gentle, isn't it?
He meets with every crew member, sooner or later. With security it's after they've gone on their first away mission (or, rarely, after they've experienced a hostile boarding if that happens first). He'll meet with Rish eventually, and they'll speak frankly. About a lot of things, apparently.
And then, because there are other rumors about Captain Kirk beyond his improbable heroism: ] He's cute.
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[ he supposes it helps that david isn't a so-called 'typical' teenager, and he and rish have always communicated well. ]
Mum still isn't sure about him, but it has less to do with him than with his chosen career and the fact that I'm her only child.
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He forces it out of his head. Bones is going to come back and lecture them both about vitamins and allergies and that'll be all. ]
You know, she was a weapons specialist. Did she ever tell you about the first thing she did on her mission with me? Speaking of reckless Starfleet moments.
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he turns on the bench, tucking a leg beneath himself to give the older man his entire attention. ]
I knew she was a weapons specialist, though. Sometimes when she's bored she starts re-designing phasers.
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[ Then with a chuckle, ] that does sound like her.
[ His fondness for her is obvious. Carol's a hell of a woman, and she impressed him on, honestly, too many levels. ]
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bones gives him a reassuring glance, then turns a pointed look on jim. ]
You, my office. [ a beat, then back to david again. ] Stay put, this shouldn't take long.
[ without waiting for a response from either of them, he turns on his heel and strides impatiently back to his office, apparently expecting jim to follow without complaint. david blinks, then glances to the captain, brows arching. ]
I guess I'll stay put, then.
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Ayup. [ Stay put indeed. Jim gives him a little smile and pats David's shoulder as he goes to the CMO's office, door shutting automatically behind him. There are a dozen tiny, nervous things fluttering inside him that he's refusing to feel or acknowledge-- and oddly enough, Bones being gruff with him puts him at ease. thisisfinememe.jpg
And then it's. Not fine. And then a goddamn nuclear bomb gets dropped on him, standing in Bones's office, his best friend clutching a PADD but not really showing him - why would Jim need to look, Bones wouldn't lie - and he. Needs a minute. Or a year.
This shouldn't take long or Jim could sit down on the edge of McCoy's desk, one hand clutched against a corner, staring at him and trying desperately, silently, to figure out how the fuck gravity is working now in this new world.
David's going to be waiting for a bit. ]
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[ he pinches the bridge of his nose, then sits back, folding his arms. ] Not just conception, though, but survival. [ he jerks his thumb back out in david's direction, brows arching. ] The fact that that kid's lived to adulthood is damn-near miraculous. He and Carol are fighters.
[ you really have to admire a woman that determined. but then, he supposes he can't blame her-- the fact that it had happened at all must have seemed almost like destiny. ]
Anyway-- [ he clears his throat, looking faintly awkward and uncomfortable. ] Thought you might need a few minutes.
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I grew up without a father. Carol knew that.
[ Jim still wholeheartedly believes everything he's asserted about his former paramour - she did the right thing, made a hard call and did what she felt was best. Jim respects it. But he can't help the stab of betrayal he feels in the heat of the moment-- Jim knows, of course he fucking knows, he'd have made a terrible parent and he'd have never given up the five-year mission just when he'd finally gotten it.
Fuck, though. Jim pulls his hand up and scrubs it over his face, coming to rest over his mouth, gaze on some unfocused point past the other man's shoulder. ]
What the hell do I say to him? I've spent... I've just been. Telling him there's no way.
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[ david doesn't seem like the type of kid to hold a grudge, especially against a father that hadn't known he existed. that had been certain, more, that it was impossible for him to have children. ]
Anyway, what were you gonna' do? Leave the Enterprise and go play dad? Please. [ he glances back out toward david, who appears to be engrossed in work on his padd again, curled up with apparent ease on the bench. ] .. You may not have had his childhood, but he's here now. [ he glances back up, frowning thoughtfully. ] What do you want to do?
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She was right. ]
Is it too late to airlock myself to get out of having this conversation?
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[ he makes a shooing gesture with one hand, frowning again as he does so. ]
And when you're done, send him to me. I've got about a dozen things to yell at him about.
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But he straightens up. ]
Maybe give him a couple days before subjecting him to the full Doctor McCoy experience, [ he says quietly.
God. God.
Eventually. Jim leaves the office. ]
Seems I owe you an apology, [ he says when he returns. ]
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