"We'd been in infrequent communication, but I reached out to him after... Khan," after I died, "because I needed-- someone to understand. And it was confusing to be in my own head at the time." Jim laughs a little. "It would have been confusing even without someone else's thoughts. I.. couldn't let any of you see me like that."
Jim looks down, shoulders slumped. He doesn't look like himself. He doesn't look like Ambassador Spock, either, he just looks tired. It's slowly beginning to sink in that his friend is dead and that he's going to lose the last remnant he has of him.
"There'd been a time when we were doing something and it was familiar-- this mission, I'm not going to tell you which one-- but the details were skewed. So I did an experiment with myself. I called in what I remembered and held it against what I felt I should do on my own. And I swear to you, it was stark enough of a difference that it almost didn't matter. It's never been consistent. Sometimes I remembered things and sometimes I wouldn't. But after that time..." the whole dead thing. Jim scrubs a hand over his face.
"The ambassador was just. Too worried. He gave me a low dose of lexorin and spent a coupe days poking around in my head doing.. whatever. He ended up admitting the drug was probably overkill, though."
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Jim looks down, shoulders slumped. He doesn't look like himself. He doesn't look like Ambassador Spock, either, he just looks tired. It's slowly beginning to sink in that his friend is dead and that he's going to lose the last remnant he has of him.
"There'd been a time when we were doing something and it was familiar-- this mission, I'm not going to tell you which one-- but the details were skewed. So I did an experiment with myself. I called in what I remembered and held it against what I felt I should do on my own. And I swear to you, it was stark enough of a difference that it almost didn't matter. It's never been consistent. Sometimes I remembered things and sometimes I wouldn't. But after that time..." the whole dead thing. Jim scrubs a hand over his face.
"The ambassador was just. Too worried. He gave me a low dose of lexorin and spent a coupe days poking around in my head doing.. whatever. He ended up admitting the drug was probably overkill, though."